I notice that my attention naturally goes to knots. To beliefs and their consequences (drama, tension, a sense of separation, supporting stories and so on).

And I also see that I can work against or with this natural tendency.

In some specific situations, it seems appropriate to work against it. For instance, when I do a stable attention practice, I can work against that tendency by noticing when attention goes away from its practice object (breath or something else), and gently bring it back.

But in most situations, it seems to make more sense to work with it. To notice that attention naturally goes to knots, and take this as an opportunity to find the belief behind the knot (creating the knot), inquire into this belief, and also allow and be with whatever experiences are associated with the knot (mostly emotions).

If I get stuck in seeing distractions as a problem, I continue to battle with it, and also miss out of the valuable guidance in the wanderings of attention, naturally going to knots.

If I take the wanderings of attention as a valuable guidance, I am led to knots and have an opportunity to work with the beliefs creating them.

If I am free to do both, in different situations, it may be even more valuable. I get to practice a stable attention, gently notice and bringing it back whenever it wanders. And, at other times, I get to use attention as a guide.

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I continue to explore thoughts through the practice of labeling the different sense fields: sound, sight, taste, smell, sensations and thoughts.

It is a great help in differentiating perception and thought, exploring the different interactions between them, and also how thoughts are really just another perception, mimicking the other sense fields and arising as anything else in the sense fields.

Some things I notice…

• When I close my eyes, I notice how thoughts create images of what is in the space around this body, and of the body itself. In fact, thoughts create the whole experience of space, when the eyes are closed and also when they are open. An overlay of thoughts organize and makes sense of perception, creating a sense of space.
• Attention is guided by thoughts in terms of sense field, location and boundary. For instance, with eyes closed or open, thoughts guide attention to any sense field, any location, and an area of any size. It can guide attention to sensations of my whole body, or the toe, or sounds from the street, or anything else.
• Thoughts label perception, often just as an image or also with associated sounds, tastes, smells, sensations. Something arises, it is placed somewhere within the image of space, and an image guessing what it comes from is placed on top of it. For instance, there is the sound of a car from the road, it is located in relation to the space image, and an image of a car is placed there. This happens all the time, with most or nearly all sense perceptions.
• Thoughts mimic the other sense fields: sounds, sights, taste, smell, sensations. It creates an imagined world that mirrors the world of perception, whether it is overlaid on or separate from perceptions arising here and now. In the first case, it is often not noticed. In the second case, we call it imagination or daydreaming or thinking about the past or future.
• Thoughts create a sense of continuity. Thoughts mirror perceptions that just left, anticipate what may be about to happen, and string them all together into an appearance of continuity. There seems to be a funny mix of thoughts of past (perceptions from a while ago), present (perceptions that just left), and future (anticipation), and of perceptions arising here now, all together creating an appearance of continuity and time.
• Through the labeling of nearly all perceptions, thoughts trigger responses and reactions. For instance, there is a thought of hunger (image/sensation), a thought of food in the fridge, and then the response of getting up to make some food and eat it. Or an image of me as man, someone else as a particular type of woman, images of a potential combination, and attraction. Or rain, me miserable in rain, and aversion. Without these thoughts, and an identification with them, none of it would happen. The whole world of attractions and aversions is created in this way, through these overlays of thoughts.
• Thoughts create the basic organization of perception, such as extent/space and continuity/time, and also a sense of I and Other, with a particular boundary and content of each. The field of perception is filtered into Other, which is typically whatever arises as not this human self, and I, which is typically whatever is associated with this human self such as sensations, sights of this body, sounds made by this body, thoughts, and so on. Combined with this imagined I-Other boundary, there are thoughts of inside and outside, center and periphery, and so on.
• The sense of I is anchored in whatever arises in the field of perception that falls inside of the I-Other boundary, and some of these more than other. For instance, within the sense field I notice how - for me right now - the sense of I is especially anchored in sensations in the upper neck/lower head area.
• Thoughts also filter perception to create a sense of a doer. Something arises, and is seen as happening on its own or through the actions of someone else, of the wider world, of Other. Or it may happen within the boundary of this human self, and still for some reason be filtered as Other. Something else arises, filtered to appear within the boundary of this human self, of I, and of I as a doer, and there is a sense of this I being a doer of whatever happened.

And the interesting thing about all this is that it can be seen as it happens. Simply. Clearly. And in that way, thoughts appear transparent, and there is also a transparency in a different way in terms of how this whole sense of an I with an Other is created.

Another visit to the topic of attention, probably not so different in the words that come out, but always new as it is explored here now.

• Attention is content of awareness, something that comes and goes and shifts around.
• As any other content, attention lives its own life on its own schedule, and has infinite causes and effects. Some of the immediate causes of attention is discursive thoughts directing it, stories taken as real which draws it, and so on. Its immediate effects is to filter perception, which in turn has its own effects.
• Attention can be directed by thoughts. It can be directed to a particular area within any sensory field: sensations, sight, sound, taste/smell, thoughts.
• In the visual field, attention can easily be on something else than the visual focus. I can visually focus on the cup, but attention can be on the movement of the trees outside the window.
• Attention creates a boundary within the field of perception. What is inside is attended to, what is outside is not. (More or less.)
• Attention filters perception. Something is within the boundary and is attended to, and everything else fades into the background of awareness (although still arises just as before).
• Attention tends to go to beliefs, stories we take as real and true. If there is a conscious attempt to keep attention on something else, this can be experienced as a “distraction”. (But can also be seen as an invitation to notice the belief, and see that too as just a thought.)

In all of this, attention is very closely related to thoughts. It is content of awareness, just like thoughts are. It operates within an imagined boundary overlaid onto the perceptual field, as defined by an image thought. It filters perception, similar to how thoughts in general filters attention. And it is guided by thought, either discursive thoughts (”bring attention to your left foot”) or beliefs (”People shouldn’t lie, but she did.” So attention goes to the memory and stories around that particular incident.)

In exploring this for myself, I can’t help wondering if not attention is anything more than just an image thought creating a focus and boundary that filters the perceptual field in a particular way.

As with everything else, there is always more to explore here.

Another revisited theme: attention going to knots.

Knots are made up of beliefs and their corresponding emotions and habitual patterns, including behavioral ones. There is a belief in a story, a friction between the story of what is (or was, or may be) and this story, corresponding emotions, and certain behaviors.

And attention tends to go to these knots, which makes it more difficult for awareness to notice itself, and its content as awareness too. We notice it in everyday life, and also during sitting practice.

Why does attention go to knots?

There may be several ways of talking about it…

First, there is discomfort in several ways.

• Whenever there is a belief, there is a discrepancy between what we are (awake void and form) and what we take ourselves to be (as defined by the belief and its corresponding identity), which brings a sense of uneasiness.
• Whenever there is friction between our stories of what is and what should be, there is discomfort.
• Whenever there is a belief, there is resistance to experience, which gives discomfort.

Then, an impulse to change the situation to relieve the discomfort.

• We can narrow the gap between the story of what is and what should be, by changing what is or what should be.
• We can change our relationship to the stories themselves, for instance by inquiring into them allowing a release of identification from them.
• Or we can ignore the discomfort and the impulse to change one or both of the above, in which case the misery is likely to deepen. Also, if we only work on the first one, we are caught in the ongoing drama of what is and what should be, which is fine but also somewhat stressful.

And to change it, attention needs to go there.

Right here now, I can see these patterns play themselves out.

In one sense, it is all an invitation for awakening, for beliefs to be examined and unravel and Ground to notice itself. It is how Big Mind first “loses itself” by identifying with just an aspect of itself, how it gives itself an impulse and motivation for awakening, and also guides itself to awakening - back to noticing itself as Big Mind. These dynamics are three in one: forgetting, motivation for change, and a guide for awakening.

And in anther sense, it is an evolutionary mechanism which increases the chances of survival for the individual and the species. There is a discrepancy between what is (circumstances) and what should be (health and well-being of this individual and its group, so then an impulse to reduce this discrepancy, which in many cases - and appropriately so - means to change things in the world to create more favorable circumstances for this human self and its group.

So this simple dynamic has a beautiful complexity to it all around. Here and now, there is an infinite number of aspects and processes to explore. And in the bigger picture, we see how it is Big Mind forgetting about itself, seeking itself, and guiding itself to notice itself again. And also how it is a mechanism that increases the chances of survival for the individual and the species.

And exploring the two last ones, we also see that the survival aspect has (mostly) to do with changing circumstances, and the awakening aspect has to do with examining these dynamics themselves and also beliefs.

Both are essential in their own way, also in our own life.

When I explore attention, I find that it lives its own life as anything else, and on its own schedule. It is of course influenced and triggered by perception (for instance something unexpected arising) and stories (directing it), but that too lives its own life and happens on its own.

I also find that it can be more narrowly focused or more widely embracing, although it can always go to what was previously in the periphery of attention.

And I see that attention is content of awareness. It comes and goes, moves around, is more narrow or more broad, and so on. In pure awareness without content, there is no attention because there is nothing to attend to, and also no attention since that too is content of awareness. This is also why it lives its own life, on its own schedule, and with infinite causes and infinite effects as anything else.

Attention also seems to be related to the different sensory fields in different ways.

For instance, it is related to the vision field in several ways.

First, the obvious one in that what the eyes focus on is often, but not always, where attention is as well. Sometimes, the eyes focus somewhere, and attention is on something else in the visual field or in another sensory field. Or it can of course be in a particular sensory field without the aid of visual input through the eyes.

From here, I find that when attention is on sensation, it is guided by imagined images, by visual thoughts. For instance, there is a focus of attention on sensations in my right ankle, and this focus is guided by a body image in the thought field. This body image filters out sensations into ankle, or a center, and not-ankle as periphery.

The same is even true for sound. Right now, there is the humming of the fridge, and if attention goes to that humming, it is aided by an image of a fridge (and also an image of the quality of the sound) to help filter out fridge and non-fridge sounds. This one is more mixed as attention is also guided and filtered by thought remembering the sound as it was, creating a sense of continuity, and this is a sound thought (a thought mimicking the sound field) rather than an image thought.

So when attention is focused within a particular sensory field, it seems often guided by a visual thought (imagined images), and also a thought mimicking that same field (a sensory, sound, taste, smell thought, or imagined sensation, sound, taste and smell). If nothing else, the visual though helps spread the perceptions out in space, so it becomes easier to differentiate them and filter out a subset of them.

More generally, it seems that attention is, independent of anything else, an image thought placed on top of perception, almost like a bulls eye or a boundary determining what within perceptions arising is inside and outside.

And as such, attention too is somewhat of an illusion, a gestalt arising from believing in a thought.

Draft only:

Whenever there is a belief in a story, it creates a knot.

The belief prevents us from seeing the truth in the reversals of the initial story, it creates a sense of friction or discrepancy between life as it is and as it should be, and it creates a wide range of emotions which all have fear as their kernel (fear of not having what we want, and of having what we don’t want).

All of this forms a metaphorical knot which binds our views into rigid patterns, closes our hearts down to whatever does not conform to what should be (including situations, other people, and ourselves), creates blind emotions and reactivity, and habitual behavior patterns fueled by the beliefs and corresponding emotions.

And when there is a knot, attention tends to go there. Life shows up in ways that do not correspond to the should created by the beliefs, so attention goes to the discrepancy. Or something in us is uneasy about the discrepancy or even potential discrepancy, so attention goes there even in the absence of an obvious (current) clash.

At the pragmatic level, we see that attention going to a discrepancy between what is and should be is very helpful. It helps us figure out how to deal with the situation, either by modifying our strategies for making what is closer to how it should be, or by modifying our stories of what is or what should be. If we take ourselves as an object in the world, dependent on certain circumstances in the wider world, this is very useful. Even if we don’t, it is still useful at a practical human (individual and species) level.

Swinging to the other extreme, we can say that all is God, so if something is seen as not God (not good), then God naturally brings attention there so that too can be seen/felt/loved as God (and good).

Or we can say that there is a discrepancy between what we are and what we take ourselves to be, and something in us knows or intuits this discrepancy, so brings attention to the cause of this discrepancy. We are the field of awareness and its content, absent of an I with an Other. And we take ourselves to be what stories tells us we are, such as an object in the world. So attention goes to those beliefs, with an invitation for us to explore those beliefs more thoroughly… including their effects, and what is already more true for us.

In either case, attention going to knots is similar to a trail of bread crumbs, showing us the way home.

If there is resistance to what is, we’ll get lost in the drama it creates and not notice or being able to follow the trail. If there is a release from (identification with) resistance, there is clarity enough to notice and being led by the trail.

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