There are of course stage specific tools, both teachings and practices, and these have practical value.

But at the same time, I can’t help noticing that the tools I am currently using are not stage specific. They can be used by anyone, from novices to people familiar with the terrain, from those firmly in grips of a great deal of beliefs to those verging on the border of selfless realization.

The Big Mind process can be helpful at any stage of the path, inviting our human self to function better in the world, refining our insights into dynamics, finding ourselves as Big Mind/Heart, and bringing it more fully into the life of this human self.

The Work can be used by anyone, including children, those with few beliefs apart from a subtle one of being a separate I, and also those from whom awakeness is awake to itself, helping them gain a more detailed insight into the dynamics of stories and their effects.

Allowing experience can be used by anyone, at any time. Can I be with what I am experiencing right now? Can I fully allow it, wholeheartedly, in a heartfelt way, as if it would never go away? Can I allow it all, including resistance and what is resisted? This invites a release of identification with resistance, and a release of identification out of content of experience in general. It also helps us notice how content of experience appears one way when resisted, and often a quite different way when allowed.

Headless experiments can be used by anyone, and most of them can be used any time and any situation. We find ourselves as headless, as the no-thing that things arise within, to and as. And we explore how this is lived through our human self.

Exploring the sense fields can be done by anyone, at least after a short period of inviting in a more stable attention. It helps us explore impermanence, notice thoughts as just thoughts, noticing the difference between attention absorbed into the inside of thoughts and not, exploring how thoughts form gestalts with the other sense fields that may seem very substantial and real, and much more.

Each of these are tools available to anyone, with just some basic pointers. Most of them are largely self-regulating, having built-in feedback mechanisms to guide us. All of them can be used by novices and those more familiar with the terrain, up to selfless realization and beyond.

A slightly different take on attachments…

Attachment to anything - situations, people, things, roles - is what causes suffering. Our stories about what should be and what is clash. Which is fine. It is just part of the human condition. But after a while, and if we act from kindness towards ourselves, we may want to explore this further. What is really going on? Is there another way?

One of the first things we may notice is that any attachment is really an attachment to a story. The story of I with an Other, and then all the other stories that flesh out the identity of this separate I.

I am an object in the world, so want what supports this object and do not want what does not support it. I am alive, so don’t want to be dead. I believe in fairness, so want to see fairness in how I and others are treated.

We may also notice that an attachment to a story is really an identification with this story. We have a story of an I with an Other, and take ourselves to be this separate I. We have a story of being a particular gender, age, of a particular ethnicity, having certain values, and take ourselves to be all of that.

Another thing we may notice is that it is all completely innocent. We are all dealing with this life as best as we can, and often from lack of clarity.

And then, that behind all of it is fear. Fear for what may happen to this human self. We attach to stories to deal with this fear, and try to avoid what we are afraid may happen to it.

And that behind this fear is love. A love for this human self and whatever is within its circle of concern. All attachments to stories come from love. From wanting the best for what we take as I and us.

So how do we explore attachments, or identifications with stories?

A simple and direct way is to investigate the beliefs themselves, and find what is already more true for us. I can use a sense of discomfort as a guide to discover when my stories of what is and should be clash, and then investigate one or both of these. Is it true? What happens when I believe that thought? Who would I be without it? What is the truth in its turnarounds?

Another is to investigate impermanence in the five sense fields, to see impermanence directly here and now. This helps us reorganize and find stories more aligned with this impermanence. And it also helps us see that no story is absolutely true, which invites a release of identification with these stories.

We can also include each of the three centers: head, heart and belly.

We can find ourselves as that which is already free from identification with stories, for instance through the headless experiments, the Big Mind process, and finding ourselves as what does not change in the midst of the constantly changing content of awareness.

We can invite our heart to open through various heart centered practices, or just a focus on the heart and its qualities.

And we can invite in a deep body sense of trust and nurturing fullness through various body and hara centered practices, such as Breema.

Each of these tends to invite in an opening in the two other centers, especially if we bring attention to it. An open heart invites in an open mind and a nurturing fullness. An open mind invites in an open heart and a felt-sense of trust. A body feeling of trust and nurturing fullness invites in an open heart and mind.

We may also discover that resisting experience tends to close each of the centers. That this happens only when there is an identification with this resistance.

And that fully allowing experience, independent of what it is, tends to invite in a receptivity and opening of each center. And that this is also an allowing of the resistance, which is a release of identification with it and the content of experience in general.

(more…)

Experiences usually appear one way when resisted, even subtly, and is revealed as something else when fully allowed.

In the first case, there is some discomfort, even if the experience is desirable to our human self. And in the second case, there is not.

As we begin to discover and explore this, there is a tendency to want the shift, to use allowing as a way to make the experience shift out of discomfort. But this is just another way of identifying with resistance. In wanting a shift, I am caught up in resistance to the experience.

(There may still be a shift, even if we are identified to some extent with resistance, but it is not full, so there will be some dissatisfaction there, and this is the feedback needed to discover a more full release.)

After a while, we may learn to more fully allowing the content of experience, as it is, including resistance and resisted, as if it would never change. In this way, identification with content is more fully released.

And as part of this, we begin to see, feel and love experience as it is, independent of its content. There is a taste of the equality of all experience. It is all just content of awareness, and it is all awakeness itself. It is awakeness forming itself into its own content.

As this happens, there is a shift into fully allowing experience because it is awakeness itself. There is no need for it to change.

In some new age circles, it is fashionable to say that we never get more than we can handle.

This is obviously bogus in a conventional sense. Lots of people have breakdowns, go insane or commit suicide because life is unbearable to them.

At the same time, these are ways of handling an unbearable situation, so they are handling it in that sense. Breakdowns, insanity and suicide are safety valves for unbearable situations. (The new age folks probably don’t mean it in this way.)

Yet, there is some truth to the statement as well. If we are trained, for instance in meditation practice, we develop a capacity to be with and allow whatever is happening. We may even find the opportunities and gifts in it, turning it around to something valuable to ourselves and maybe others.

If we are able to do this, either through the luck of genetics or upbringing, or a disciplined practice, then the advice is for ourselves. We can ask ourselves, is this more than I can handle? And the answer is usually no.

But others may not be in the same situation. They may not have the tools to work with and relate to whatever happens in this way. The statement then becomes heartless if used towards folks in this situation, or as a general rule.

Finally, the statement is definitely true for what we are. As awakeness, we are untouched by whatever experiences are there, no matter how intense and apparently unbearable. Just as space is not touched by whatever happens within space, awakeness is untouched by its own content.

I had an opportunity to explore being with body symptoms yesterday, as headaches and nausea peaked from something that has been brewing for a couple of days.

As long as the symptoms were mild and moderate, I was able to do other things, including distracting myself by watching movies as it got a little worse. At some point, when it went over the “moderate” threshold, I had no choice but to turn off the light and just be with the symptoms.

If attention wandered, the discomfort increased to feel almost unbearable. But when attention stayed on the body symptoms, it was OK. It was a great laboratory to be with and fully allow whatever happened, and a great feedback mechanism for attention to stay with it in a stable way without wandering.

After a while, there was a shift into a sense of clarity and soft expansion. I feel asleep for a few minutes, and woke up to a sense of clarity, a sweet nurturing fullness, a quiet bliss, and a sense of purification. The body symptoms had shifted into all of these, although I had to lie still for the physical aspects of the nausea to not kick in again. (Meaning: puking.)

So in fully allowing body symptoms, they too are revealed as something else, as any experience. They appear one way when - even subtly - resisted, and another way when wholeheartedly allowed, as they are, as if they would never change.

It is also interesting to notice that this happened on its own during my initial awakening. Whenever I got physically sick, there was a tremendous sense of clarity, bliss, nurturing fullness, and purification. During the dark night phase, I got sick the more usual way without any of this. And now, with some intention, it seems that the shift happens again.

During the initial awakening, the physical illnesses were usually quick and intense, during the dark night longer and lower intensity, and yesterday, quick and intense again.

Emotions or sensations tend to appear very different when resisted and when allowed.

For instance, I notice when arrogance or resentment comes up, and is fully allowed, they shift into an open heart, empathy, care, compassion.

And really, all experiences seem to shift into the same… a sweet nurturing fullness, an open heart, a receptive view. The particular quality of the initial resisted experience may carry through or not, and if it does, flavoring the way it is revealed when fully allowed.

Arrogance includes a discernment which may carry through. When resisted, it is combined with a sense of being right, and when allowed, combined with an open heart and a sense of us. And this discernment can be more in the foreground or background following the shift, depending on where the interest is and what the situation calls for.

Anger has a dynamic energy and clarity which may carry through. Sadness a quited stability. Physical pain a stable fiery clarity.

And resentment shift into an open heart and a sense of intimacy, a recognition of myself in the other, a sense of us.

Reactive emotions maintain their appearance through resistance to experience, and reveal themselves as something quite different when fully allowed.

Some connections between resisting and allowing experience, and the three centers…

When there is resistance to experience…

• The view becomes rigid. There is a closer identification with a particular perspective and identity, and a stronger disowning of the truth in their reversals. This identification is also why an experience is resisted in the first place, so there is a mutuality here, a feedback loop which holds the dynamic in place as long as there is identification with the story and the resistance.
• The heart closes down, or at least is ambivalent, trying to be open to some things and closed to something else.
• The emotions are reactive. There is identification with fear, and whatever reactive emotions come up from that.

And when an experience is allowed, when there is a being with of the experience…

• The view becomes more fluid. There is a release of identification out of a particular story and perspective, which makes it easier to explore the validity of its reversals. This also allows for more of a fluidity among perspectives, and an ability to use one or another as the situation seems to call for it. A generosity of view.
• The heart opens. There is empathy and compassion. A recognition of oneself in the other. A generosity of heart.
• At the belly center, there is a nurturing fullness. A trust in in life and whatever happens.

As usual, there is a mutuality among all of these… resisting or allowing experience, a fixed or fluid view, a closed or open heart, reactive emotions or nurturing fullness. A shift in one tends to invite a shift in the others, and they also stabilize and help deepen each other.

So when working on this, we can start at any point… allowing experience, inquire into stories, opening our heart, inviting in the nurturing fullness of the belly center.

We can ask ourselves, can I be with what I am experiencing right now?  We can use The Work to investigate our beliefs. We can use heart centered practices, such as the Christian heart prayer or the Buddhist tong-len, to open our heart. We can use any belly and body centered practice, such as Breema, to invite in the nurturing fullness and the sense of trust that comes with it.

A great little video of Adyashanti talking about the difference between resisting and fully allowing experience. (Thanks to Sean for mentioning it to me!)

In my experience too, there is a big difference between almost and fully allowing an experience.

If it is allowed 98%, there is still some identification with resistance, pushing it away, escaping, wanting it to go away. So there is a sense of getting closer to it, which makes it more intense, yet resistance which makes it very uncomfortable. In a conventional sense, it only makes it worse.

But if it is fully allowed, as it is, as if it would never go away, there is a shift, a release out of the whole dynamic of resisting and resisted, of a split within form where I am identified with a should and something else is what shouldn’t be there.

And this goes not only for what our personality usually does not like, such as pain, sadness, anger, frustration and so on. It equally much goes for what our personality tends to like, such as joy, bliss and passion.

In both cases, there is an identification with a should, and in both cases there is drama and discomfort in the impermanence of it, either when something that should be there goes away or doesn’t come at all, or something that should not be there comes or stays. And in both cases, our identification is firmly with stories and within form.

When our experience is fully allowed, there is a release out of the drama and the struggle with it. And this release also helps us notice the quiet bliss that is always there within any experience. The bliss of existence itself, of awareness, of this awakeness which is inherently free from everything so allowing it all.

It seems that the shift can happen a few different ways.

The pain, grief, joy and so on stays more or less the same, but there is a release out of the drama, and a noticing of the quiet sweet bliss that is inherent in experiencing itself.

Or the content shifts more dramatically, from pain, grief, anger, or whatever it may be, to a sense of a nurturing fullness (with slightly different flavors depending on what it shifted from) along with the quiet bliss of existence itself.

For me, the first can happen if I am out and about and don’t have the time or opportunity to fully bring attention to it. And the second happens if I have a few minutes for myself and can be with it more fully. (Also, the first happens if the process has further to go, in which case there is the co-existence of a lot of different emotions and feelings as Adyashanti talks about.)

It almost seems that the initial surface experience, which we can label pain, sadness, anger, or something else, appears that way due to the resistance. When there is a release out of the resistance, it is revealed as something quite different. As a sweet nurturing fullness, with a particular flavor coming from its surface starting point. Anger becomes clarity and alertness. Sadness becomes a stable and quiet attention. Pain becomes a sense of clarity and aliveness.

There are a lot of wrinkles and intricacies here too, as with anything else. And as with most other things, we become familiar with the terrain through experience.

One of the big shifts that may happen over time is the shift from habitually identifying with wanting an experience to be different, to realizing that it is really, truly, OK as it is. This makes it much easier to be with it, fully allowing it as it is, as if it would never go away, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way.

Bringing in the heart certainly also helps, being with the experience as you would quietly be with a wounded animal or a hurt child.

An aspect of just about any practice is to allow it to work on me.

And what is this it?

It can be just about anything.

It can be Big Mind, when it awakens to itself, or even just glimpses or intuits itself, found through the Big Mind process, headless experiments, meditation, or happening out of thin air.

It can be this alive presence, in and around the body, personal and universal at the same time, substantial and transparent to the void, infinitely loving and wise, and found through prayer, Breema and (other) soul level practices.

It can be the tangible sense of body-mind wholeness, which I find through body-oriented or -inclusive practices.

It can be an open and alive heart, found through heart centered practices.

And finally, it can be any experience whatsoever, when it is fully allowed.

When an experience is resisted, independent of the content of the experience, it only reinforces the tendency to resist, the sense of I and Other, and patterns of rigidity and reactivity.

But when it is fully allowed, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, as it is, as if it would never change, it all shifts.  Then, there is an invitation to a fluidity of view, a nurturing fullness, and an open heart. There is a realignment and reorganization of this human self. A softening of the rigid patterns created from resistance. An opening into receptivity and fluidity.

And this is how all of these… Big Mind, alive presence, alive heart and more… works on the human self.

The view is invited to be more fluid and inclusive.

The heart becomes more alive and open.

There is less emotional reactivity, and more of a sense of nurturing fullness.

So when any of these (Big Mind, alive heart, allowing experience and so on) are alive and present, it is a reminder and invitation for this human self to soak in it, allow it to seep through, soften, reorganize and realign this human self.

Some teachers talk about working through collective layers, and it is maybe not quite as mysterious as it may sound.

As with anything else, we can work with it in the usual ways.

We can see it more as it is, through different forms of inquiry. We can feel it through fully allowing it. And from those two, a love for it is invited in. Head, belly and heart… seeing, feeling and loving it as it is, as if it would never change. Beyond the veils of shoulds and resistance, it is revealed as something that is more than OK, as it is.

(This easily sounds polished and glib when talked about this way, but it is something we each can explore for ourselves.)

And if we look, we see that just about anything arising in us, any patterns of mind, emotions and actions, are already collective. Even what appears as most personal are collective.

It has infinite causes, reaching out through personal experiences, family, subcultures, cultures, human civilization, human biology and evolution, and the dynamics and particulars of this planet, solar system, galaxy and universe. Even the most personal is collective in this sense.

And if it appears as a problem, that too comes from these dynamics. It comes from the shoulds that has its roots in human biology and evolution (pain/injury/death = bad/evil/wrong), and has been elaborated and maintained by human civilization, flavored by particular cultures and subcultures.

Whenever we work with any should… any veil of beliefs, identities, resistance… we work with collective layers and patterns, as they appear here and now, through this particular human self.

We inquire into a stressful belief, and that is a belief known to humanity for millennia. We allow an experience that has been resisted, due to a belief, and that type of experience has been resisted by innumerable people throughout history.

One of my main practices for a while now (which anyone who have read posts here will have seen)  is to notice any movements away from what is happening, any impulse to escape, resist, push away, distractions, and so on.

And then, to shift into being with whatever is happening, including the resistance, as it is, as if it would never change, in a wholehearted way.

There is a sense of release and expansion here, from a narrow identification with the impulse to resist, seeing what is resisted as Other, to finding myself as that which already and always allows, holds, embraces both the resistance and that which is resisted.

It is very simple, can be done throughout the day, and yet is - in many ways - a fully-fledged and complete practice in itself.

It releases identification with resistance, it allows whatever has been resisted to now be allowed and experienced (as an orphan being brought into the warmth), it gives us a taste of ourselves as that which already and always allows any content of experience, it invites healing at our human level, it releases identification with fixed positions and points of views so we can more easily find the truth in its reversals, it gives us a taste of release from being blindly caught up in the drama.

I don’t seem to be finished with these nerdy sorting-outs, so here is one on the relief of truth…

There is a relief of truth in many different ways, including the ones we all know from daily life when we are honest with ourselves and others about things we hid in the past, or have impulses to hide even now.

In terms of practice, there are also different forms of relief of truth.

For instance, the relief of reversals, seeing the grain of truth in the reversals of any story, and especially the ones we believe in. This brings the relief of not having to defend a story as an absolute truth anymore, and also having to defend against the truth in its reversals. And it brings the relief of consciously exploring and acknowledging the truth that we already somewhere knew… the truth in reversals, and the inherent neutrality of the situation the story refers to.

And the relief of being with our experiences, fully allowing them, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, as they are, as if they would never change. This is the relief of not having to push them away anymore, of not having to identify with resistance to them, of not experiencing them as a disturbance and intrusion.

Finally, the relief of noticing the truth of what we already are. Of awakeness noticing itself, and its content as itself too. This is the relief of not having to resist Ground, the relief of not having to overidentify with certain content of awareness (this human self) and underidentify with the rest (the wider world), the relief of not being caught up in the drama of beliefs, the relief of not having to defend against the truth of reversals, and the relief of not having to resist any experiences.

I keep coming back to the most basic dynamics, so I guess there must be more in it for me. In any case, it is something I notice throughout the day so it is somewhat familiar territory.

One of these life 101 dynamics is being with experiences.

When I resist, there is a sense of struggle and discomfort.

When experiences are fully allowed, there is a release.

In the first case, there is identification with resistance, with a belief saying something that is should not be, with a region of content of awareness, with an I that has an Other. From there, there is a sense of drama, struggle, discomfort and so on.

When it is all allowed, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, it all shifts. The identification is released from resistance, and from content in general. It is released out of the whole I-Other dynamic, so there is a sense of release from the struggle and drama around it as well. If the basic sense of I-Other is also allowed, there is a release from that one too, so awakeness notices itself and its own content as itself. (The basic sense of -Other comes from resistance to the Ground, to Big Mind, to awakeness noticing itself and its content as itself.)

It helps me at my human level, making it easier to deal with whatever is triggered. It helps me find myself as Big Mind. When both of those are there, it helps me find myself as Big Heart. (Which comes when I find myself as Big Mind, and bring focus on the human.)

And it is very simple. The most simple.

It is just noticing when there is identification with resistance, with any movement “away” from something or pushing something away, and then fully allowing it as it is, as if it would never change, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way. Right there, identification is released out of it. It is all still there, living its own life, but now not taken as an “I” that has an Other.

And in this, there is a lot more to notice as well.

(more…)

I noticed sadness come up today, in a surprising situation. (Although I could also see what triggered it.)

And then the shift from a slight resistance and discomfort to fully allowing and a sense of sweet nurturing fullness. The same “substance” which initially appeared as sadness, discomfort, a disturbance, something I wanted to go away, shifted into this sweet fullness.

There is nothing new here, but it helped me see that any disturbance is its own antidote, in a certain way. Whenever I feel sadness, anger, pain or whatever else it may be, the “antidote” is in the same substance when the experience is fully allowed.

What I want when I resist an experience is exactly that sense of nurturing rich fullness that comes when it is fully allowed.

This is just one of many examples of the alignment of what my human self really wants, and noticing what I am as awakeness. Fully allowing experiences, including any resistance that may be there, gives my human self what it really wants, and it helps what I am to notice itself more easily since identification is released (somewhat at least) from content.

A great list of reasons to thank fear from Debbie Ford, via Mona at Question the Mind.

• Love the fears that you hold in your hand more than anything you have ever loved before.
• Think about all the hours you have spent trying to deny, avoid, and get rid of these fears, and thank them for always bringing you into the presence of the limited human mind.
• Thank them for sending you out to look for ways to get rid of them. Think of all you’ve discovered during your search!
• Thank them for making you look at your life.
• Thank them for this community, for your fears are probably what got you here…reading this right now.
• Thank your fears for reminding you that you have a small child inside that is in desperate need of your love and attention.
• Thank your soul for dispensing these fears to you, to help you find your way back home to God - the energy of pure love, the energy that trumps fear.
• Love your fears like you have loved no other part of you - bless them, honor them, and use them as the holy reminders that they are…reminding you always to come home to your whole self.

Other ways to explore fear…

• Fully allowing and being with the experience of it… as it is, as if it would never change, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way. Inclusive of all content of awareness… the fear, the resistance to it, the battle. In my experience, when this shift happens the change is immediate, from night to day, from discomfort and battle to a sense of nurturing fullness.
• How does the self/personality relate to fear? Shift into fear, and look at the self from that perspective. What has fear to say? What does it want to tell the self? How does it contribute? (The list from Debbie Ford is a great starting point.) What would happen if it wasn’t there?
• What are the gifts of not befriending fear? What are the gifts of the battle? What changes if we allow not being ok with fear? If we allow fear itself?
• Inquire into beliefs around fear, such as “I shouldn’t experience fear”, “fear creates problems for me”, and other ones shared by many in our culture.

Looking at knots is one way to show how psychology and spirituality are intertwined.

A knot is any hangup we have, and is a belief and its corresponding emotions and behavioral patterns.

It is usually experienced as stressful, as something being off, and gives a sense of separation. And it gives a sense of I and Other (which is what gives rise to the stress and a sense of something being off and separation), and distracts us from seeing what we really are.

So from the context of taking ourselves as this human self, it is uncomfortable and disatisfactory. And from the context of Big Mind, it distracts Big Mind from noticing itself.

A knot comes from an identification with a story, so we can work with it through releasing identification.

For instance, we can be with the experience of it, allowing it fully, in a wholehearted way. We allow whatever content of awareness, including the resistance to whatever comes up, so there is a release from identification with content in general.

We can explore the different voices or subpersonalities involved, and see that there is no “I” in any of them.

Or we can inquire into the belief itself and find the truth in each of its reversals, which released exclusive identification with any of them - the initial story and its reversals.

Disidentification with the knot complex allows us to find more peace with it at our human level, through seeing it more clearly - finding what is more true for us than our initial belief, and fully feeling whatever comes up in our experiences without getting caught up in resistance. And it also makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

We can also work more actively with owning, at our human level, what is left out from the initial belief and identity.

Through Voice Dialog, or the Big Mind process, we can shift into whatever voices are disowned by the initial belief and identity. We can try it on, see how the world looks from that perspective, explore what the voice offers to our human self, how it would be to bring it into our life more, and so on. We can also explore our human self’s relationship to the voice, and how that relationship can shift to allow the voice in more.

And the same can happen through Process Work, and by bringing the turnarounds of The Work into our daily life.

Owning disowned parts of our human self makes it easier, and more fun, to be who we take ourselves to be. And when what we are awakens to itself, it allows this awakening to be expressed through our human self in a richer and more fluid way. In either case, there is a new richness and fluidity there, a wider terrain that is expressed fluidly in the daily life of this human self. It is more fully and richly human.

Actively owning disowned parts also allows for a shift of identification out of our human self. On the one hand, we are more free to shift into the different voices and actively use them in our daily life. And on the other hand, it releases identification out of our human self in general. Which, as before, makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

These are just a couple of ways working on who and what we are are intertwined, and one invites and encourages the other, using just a few approaches as examples.

We can also bring in the soul level, this alive presence which is timeless yet also within time, spaceless yet also within space, impersonal yet also personal, rich and substantial yet also simple and emptiness itself. When we shift into, become more familiar with, and find ourselves as this alive presence, it allows our human self to reorganize within itself. Our human self heals, matures, finds itself more in the fullness of itself. And it shifts identification out of our human self, which makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

Shifting into our soul level brings a sense of richness, fullness, nurturing, trust, and of being home, which helps our human self to relax, and again shift identification out of it. We are less caught up in the usual beliefs, identities, fears, hopes and so on of our human self.

(more…)

A portion of what we think of as being human are effects of beliefs. It is the portion that has to do with a rigid view, reactive emotions and behaviors, and a more closed heart.

How do we relate to this part of our humanness?

Often, we defend it. We find reasons why it is right and even good. Or we may be ashamed, unable to change it much even as we see it unfold. We may blindly be in the grips of it, experiencing it and also living it out in ways we sometimes regret afterwards. We may distract ourselves from it as much as possible. We may try to stuff it, holding it back, resisting the experience or living from it.

Or we may work with it more consciously.

We can allow these parts their voice and insights, through Process Work, Voice Dialog or the Big Mind process. We can step into their perspective, and see what they have to say to our human self, what they ask of us, what their contributions are, what gifts they offer, and how our human self can relate to them in a more constructive way, and how they can help our human self in a more constructive way.

We can allow the experience fully. We can fully allow the anger, sadness, pain, frustration, or whatever it may be. Just by releasing identification with the resistance to it, a lot changes. There is a release of identification with the dynamic as a whole (whatever arises and the resistance to it), which gives a sense of freedom from it, and even an opportunity of a more conscious choice in how to relate to it and express it.

We can use it as a pointer or invitation to explore more in detail what is going on. For instance, what is the belief behind the reactiveness? Is it true? What happens when I believe that thought? Who would I be without it? What are the grain of truths in its turnarounds?

(more…)

When I explore allowing, I find two forms of it.

There is awareness allowing its content, which is always and already here. Awareness already allows any and all of its content. It is built open. It is the unmanifest allowing the manifest.

Then there is the allowing which is experienced as more conscious and intentional, This one involves a release from being caught up in resistance, and also any beliefs and identities which does not allow particular content. This one is not always around, and is actually not fully here until there is a release from beliefs altogether.  It is the manifest allowing the manifest.

We can relatively easily notice both here and now.

First, can I find any place where awareness resists its content? I can find resistance, but this resistance too is content and awareness allows even resistance.

Then, what happens if I ask myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now? How is that different from when I actively resist experiences, when I identify with resistance and the beliefs and identities which fuels resistance? When there is an active resistance, what happens when I simply notice that awareness already allows?

Also, when there is an active resistance of experiences, can I see the difference between the inherent allowing of awareness, and the active resistance within content? What happens when there is a more conscious allowing, and the allowing of awareness is reflected in an allowing within its content? How do I experience each of those two, and the transition from one to the other?

Initial draft… 

Some flavors of being with experiences…

• Wanting it to stay. When attention is wholeheartedly with what is experienced, there is sometimes an accidental (and innocent) shift into wanting it to be there. It has been resisted for so long, so now that there is a wholehearted allowing and being with it, an impulse comes up to allow that to continue for a while. For instance, there is pain, resistance to it, then a shift into wholeheartedly being with it, a noticing this shift and the shift of experience itself, and then an element of wanting it (what initially appeared as pain) to stay. This element of accidentally and sincerely wanting it to stay seems to propel it on even faster. The initial experience, and even what it shifts into, moves along quickly. (Almost a form of reverse psychology.) If I notice this pattern and try to use it consciously to make something go away, it is not likely to work very well. I am only digging myself further down into resistance that way.
• As if would never go away. Being with an experience, as if it would never go away. This invites resistance to it going or staying to fall away, since it will always be there. There is just a simple being with it, as it is. Complexity, other motivations, and strategizing, tends to fall away, leaving it more simple.
• Wanting it to go away. Being with an experience because there is a wanting it to go away. This one is an identification with a belief and resistance, so the being with is half-hearted at best. There is an identification with a part of the content of experience (the belief, that which wants something to change), and a resistance to another portion of the content of experience (pain, emotions, etc.) so the split between the two seems very real. A half-hearted being with is not going to change this much. I have to be willing to let go of identification with any content, including these beliefs and identities, even if it is only for a moment. If I take myself to be one portion of content of experience, something else will be Other, there is inevitably resistance (wanting it to stay or go away) and so not a wholehearted being with of the whole field of content of experience. There can only be a wholehearted being with experience when there is a willingness to release identification with what I initially identified with.
• From the three centers...
  • Head. This is a being with coming from seeing, from awake clarity. This one tends to be a dispassionate seeing.
  • Belly. A felt-sense being with, one that is felt in the body. There is a felt-sense of how it is to be with that experience, and how it is when it is not seen as Other anymore.
  • Heart. A loving being with, coming from the heart. When the being with includes the heart, there is a more wholehearted allowing of the content of experience as it is, without wanting or needing it to change. There is also a healing element here, allowing it to change and heal as it needs to, now in the absence of being resisted.
  • All. A heart-felt being with, often starting with seeing and a felt-sense, which tends to invite the heart to join in.

For a while, probably due to doing The Work and receiving diksha, a lot of knots came up on their own, so I could see the beliefs and inquire into them, and experience the emotions and be with them in an heartfelt way.

Now, it seems that there are bits and pieces left, scattered around, and I find that it is more helpful to actively go after them. To put myself in situations where beliefs are triggered, and go through my memories and imagination to trigger emotions I can be with, as they are, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, as if they would never change.

For finding emotions to be with, I find that going through my memories in reverse chronological order is helpful, and also to bring up the memories in the most vivid and detailed way, and then let the memory go and just be with the emotions.

Whenever attention goes somewhere else, I know that what may appear as distraction is really just attention going into another knot, as is the nature of attention to do. It leads me directly to another knot of a belief, a story that is taken as true, and an emotion that has not been fully allowed and experienced in an heartfelt way.

After a while, I also find it helpful to bring attention to whatever sensations are here now, the ones that there is even the slightest hint of resistance to, and be with those as well in a heartfelt way.

And then even do the same with some of the image thoughts here now, such as the ones of a sense of center in space, a separate self, and so on. I find that this tends to release identification with them, bringing me into headlessness, which is just another hint of how beliefs are really just resistance… resistance to what is already more true for me in immediate awareness. (And, we can say, resistance to seeing the truth in its reversals, to seeing it and its reversals as only relative truths, and resistance to fully allowing and being with whatever emotions it triggers.)

After that, I sometimes go into the most scary scenarios I can imagine for myself, the ones that are the most terrifying. And then, notice the beliefs there for possible later inquiry, let go of the images, and be with the emotions triggered in a wholehearted and heartfelt way.

These emotions are just like vulnerable animals, or scared children. All they want is to be seen, felt and loved as they are, as if they would never change.

And this helps what we take ourselves to be. It helps this human self in its daily life. It helps it heal, find itself as more whole.

And it also helps what we really are to notice itself more easily. When there are lots of knots - of stories taken as true and emotions escaped from - attention tends to get absorbed into them. We are caught up in them and the drama created from them. And this makes it less easy for this awakeness to notice itself as awakeness, and all of its content - including all of these knots and all of the drama - as awakeness itself.

Whenever emotions come up and there is an impulse to resist, avoid and escape, at least three things can happen…

One is to go with the escape, which usually means a combination of trying to change the trigger, the triggered, and bringing attention over to something else - often the inside of a story related to the emotion, or something entirely different. The habitual pattern of believing in stories is reinforced, as is the belief in that particular story, and the tendency to escape. Still, it is perfectly OK. It is just what the mind does when it takes stories as real. It is just something to notice and explore.

Another is to bring attention to something else arising here and now, such as the weight of the body. This brings attention out of the story, which means that the habitual pattern if attention going to the inside of stories is weakened over time. At the same time, it may bring attention away from the sensation component of the emotions, and the sensation/story conglomerate is not processed so it will most likely surface again. The belief in the story triggering the emotion in the first place remains, and may - at best - weaken slightly and gradually over time as the attachment to stories in general weakens.

And finally, we can be with what arises, bringing attention to the pure perceptions of the emotions (usually just a sensation) and seeing the stories associated with it (calling it fear, anger, etc.) as just thoughts. This is a more full processing of it, allowing the emotions to be seen/felt/loved, and the belief to surface for further inquiry.

When there is a belief in a story, there is automatically escape from experience as well. Whenever there is friction between our stories of what is and what should be, there is discomfort, and a seeking to avoid that discomfort… by changing our stories of what is, what should be, or changing our attention to something else. And when this is done to escape the tension, there is a sense of compulsiveness to it, avoidance, and discomfort.

There are, at least, three ways for this to change.

The most crude one is to repeat this over and over until there is an exhaustion of this pattern. If we pay attention, and repeat it often enough, we see that it really doesn’t work, and the pattern may wear out and fall away.

Another is to explore being with whatever comes up, to actively go against the pattern and see what happens. What is the difference between trying to escape an experience, and going into it, fully being with it, allowing it, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way?

And yet another is to inquire into the pattern, to explore it more thoroughly through inquiry, learn about it in its many aspects and flavors, for instance using The Work or the Big Mind process.

In most cases, there is probably a combination of each of these three, and probably other ones as well. There is a wearing out of the pattern, from seeing over and over that it really does not work. There is an inevitably being with of whatever is, even accidentally, and a noticing of the shift that happens. And there is an exploration of the dynamics of the pattern itself, a familiarity with it.

From my Zen days, I see that sitting practice, probably just about any sitting practice when done enough, includes each of those three.

At some point, there is a shift from dreading having certain stories and emotions triggered, to genuinely looking forward to it, and even actively triggering them.

Through inquiry, I find what is already more true for me than the initial story, and the clarity and freedom on the other side of taking stories as absolutely true.

And through being with whatever arises, including emotions, I find that what appears one way when resisted, is revealed as something quite different when not resisted. Through being with emotions in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, their appearance of solidity falls away, and there instead something else… such as clarity, stability, fullness and sweetness.

When I do this, I see the shift and look forward to exploring other beliefs and being with other emotions. And as I do this over and over, there is a larger scale shift as well, changing my general attitude towards beliefs and emotions.

Hiding from them may have been my habitual pattern, and it comes up again for a while inbetween the phases of clarity. But then, as the shift happens over and over, the habitual pattern changes as well. That too, over time, shifts from dread and an impulse to escape to looking forward to it.

And then, even taking time to actively triggering beliefs and emotions. For me, reading certain new sources is a great way to trigger beliefs, and going into certain memories is a great way of triggering emotions.

From shunning certain emotions as wounded little animals, or people in distress, there is an active seeking them out. Maybe similar to Mother Theresa seeking out those in need in Calcutta (!)

Of course, when emotions are triggered by memories, it is really beliefs that are triggered, in turn triggering emotions. But for this purpose, it works well to just focus on the emotions. To trigger emotions, and then be with them in an heartfelt way. I can always inquire into the beliefs behind it later on.

Similarly, when I inquire into beliefs I take time to be with the triggered emotions in an heartfelt way. I stay with them for a while, before moving on.

As so often, the two go hand in hand.

I dreamt about a wolf which looked very real, but turned out to be a knitted wolf, made of yarn. This is another analogy similar to the traditional one of a snake being revealed as a rope.

In the beginning, it appears very real, as a vicious and dangerous animal of flesh and blood. Then, it is revealed as just a knitted animal, or a rope.

Some ways to explore the vicious animal…

• Being with whatever we are experiencing, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way. By doing this, which in my experience feels like a gentle and soft docking, the content of experience changes. When resisted, emotions for instance seem very real, solid, substantial, and clearly definable as fear, anger, grief, and so on. But when there is a soft docking and a heartfelt being with whatever is there, it changes, often into a sense of fullness and sweetness that is not easily definable. The bloodthirsty wolf is revealed as a cute knitted wolf.
• Labeling the sense fields, and differentiating them clearly in our own experience. In this way, we see what is there in each of them, and how they combine to create appearances of gestalts which are solid and real in themselves. For instance, when the components of fear are not differentiated, fear appears very much solid and real. But when it is clearly seen as just sensations and a story about these sensations, the gestalt becomes transparent, ephemeral and may even dissolve.
• Inquiry into beliefs is another way to get to know the vicious animal. When there is a friction between our stories about what is and what should be, it inevitably gives rise to various emotions such as fear, anger and so on, and if we try to squash (awareness of) it, then maybe depression. Again, the gestalt of beliefs and emotions seem very real, very substantial, in the beginning. But when we investigate the story, we see how attaching to it as true creates the gestalt, we see the clarity and spaciousness when there is no attachment to it, and also find the grain of truth in its reversals. All of this invites the attachment to the belief to release, revealing the wolf as only a knitted animal.

This dream image may have come up since I delved into some new layers of beliefs and fears before falling asleep last night, again seeing how they appear as real and dangerous when resisted, but are revealed as something quite different when there is a heartfelt being with of whatever is there.

When uncomfortable memories, scenarios, sensations and emotions come up, they are like our poor cousins knocking at our door, wanting to be acknowledged, accepted and allowed. They want to be seen, felt, and loved for what they are, as they are.

And we can do this at each of the three centers (head, belly, heart) and at our two levels (who and what we are, human self and Ground).

At the head center, we allow whatever arises to “come home” by examining our views holding them at bay, and finding the truth in the turnarounds of these views. At the belly center, we do the same by allowing attention to be with whatever arises, in a quietly heartfelt way. And through this, the heart center seems to open naturally to what arises.

In this way, we allow whatever arises to come home at the level of our human self. By not resisting we (a) see that what arises belongs to this human self, and (b) that even if it was triggered by something seen in the outer world, the trigger mirrors something right here. We learn to own our own reactions, and also to own the qualities we see out there, in the wider world, as also in here.

And we allow whatever arises to come home also at the Ground level, recognizing it as awareness itself, as awakeness and form together, inherently absent of an I with an other. It is all life or Existence or the Universe or God or Big Mind manifesting in its form aspect. What appeared as split into an I and Other, is now revealed as already and always free from that split (even when the split appears to be there).

There is a seeing, feeling and loving of whatever arises as me, as this human self, owning the reactions and responses coming up here, and also seeing everything in the wider world as mirrored here. And there is a seeing, feeling and loving of all as life itself, as Existence manifesting, as God, as Big Mind, before and beyond, free from and independent of an overlay of I and Other.

The first one, the owning of it at our human level, allows for a more finely tuned, mature and effective human self in the world. Before Ground awakens to itself, this makes it easier to be who I take myself to be. And after Ground awakens to itself, it allows for an easier way of expressing Ground awake to itself, and also invite Ground to wake up in others. After all, the characteristics and maturity of this human self is what all skillful means boils down to.

(more…)

In exploring knots, I find it helpful to allow the mind free reins in going into beliefs… attention naturally goes there anyway, since they are juicy and have a charge for us, and are intimately intertwined with the center of our life: the story of this separate I.

And in going into beliefs, stories and beliefs naturally surface which can then be inquired into, and emotions are triggered which can be met in a gentle and heartfelt way, allowing them to be seen and felt as they are, even if they would never change.

It is all a process of exploring what is already there, through the three centers. Inquiry and differentiation (head center), a felt-sense (belly), and from those two, a natural love of what is (heart). And a heartfelt being-with of whatever arises is what allows each of those three to take place.

Right now, I am exploring beliefs about marriage inherited from family and culture, and deliberately stirring it up is very helpful here, in seeing beliefs and their effects more clearly, and in allowing and being with whatever emotions are triggered. Even if I on the surface see myself as having a more enlightened view on marriage, I see that there are still many deep beliefs about it inherent from many sources, which each limits the possibilities and range of choices.

Exploring this is also a reminder of how cultural, social and family expectations are experienced as oppressive and a pressure when I myself share the beliefs. I follow them without being aware of them or questioning them, I follow them while being ambivalent about them, or I rebel against them, but in each case, there is still a belief in them. I am still trapped by them, I find myself on the inside of them, confined by them.

If I have investigated them, there is freedom around them, whether the stories are triggered or not in me, and whether they are believed in or not by those around me.

I keep noticing a mutuality between the practices of being with whatever arises (especially emotions) and of inquiry into beliefs.

Being with allows for reduced resistance to what arises, which in turn leads to a disidentification with the belief that created the resistance in the first place. And this makes it easier, and more inviting, to inquire into that story.

Being with ==> (reduced identification with resistance + belief in story) + easier inquiry into story.

And inquiry into beliefs leads to reduced identification with the story creating the resistance and reduced identification with the resistance itself, which in turn leads to an easier being with of whatever arises.

Inquiry ==> (reduced identification with resistance + story that created it) + easier being with of whatever arises.

Both allows the stories involved to be there as before, and also its effects of resistance, emotions, and so on. And both allows for a disidentification with all of that. The story and its effects becomes a third person he/she/it, arising as anything else, rather than a first person I, taken as a life and death matter. Identification goes out of it, so we are not so caught up in the content of the story anymore, or of fighting the Other created by the story including the effects of the story.

And since there is less drama and less being caught up in stories, this makes it easier to be who we take ourselves to be (a separate self), and also easier for Ground to notice itself.

A couple of nights during the retreat, a parade of images came up, each with an emotional charge, and I took the opportunity (not much choice, really) to be with each one of them in a wholehearted and heartfelt way. Each one wanted to be seen, felt, and loved, as it is.

Initially, most of the images were from my own life - present, past and possible futures, and they then expanded to include the many situations humans in general experience, include wars, torture, illness, tragedy, death and so on. There was a very clear realization that there is no difference there. It is all me anyway, no matter how I look at it (all my stories, all universally human). The emotions coming up were at first mostly grief, sadness and fear, and then moved into other ones such as anger. It all lasted for a few hours, with some briefer periods of calm in between.

With many of the images, there would be a brief initial response of terror followed by a heartfelt being-with and allowing. And it was very clear how resistance to the emotions was what created the emotions, in their form of sadness, fear, grief and so on. Even a subtle resistance makes them appear that way, the conventional way.

But when there is a wholehearted being-with them, even if they would last forever, resistance falls away and they are revealed without the previous filter of resistance. Now, they are revealed as a dynamic sweet fullness, open for a taste of Big Mind and Big Heart, and fuel a deepening clarity and stability of the mind.

This is something I keep on noticing…

Any experience is quiet bliss, or, if seen within a sense/story of time, a stream of quiet bliss. Experiencing itself, awake void and its content of awake void taking a temporary form, is inherently a quiet bliss.

If there is an identification with a particular story about this content, there is also a drama created and this may temporarily cloud over a noticing of this quiet bliss. The identification with the story gives a sense of I and Other, and resistance in various ways, and when there is an identification with all of this, it seems very real. This means attention goes to this drama, and the quiet bliss is easily missed and overlooked.

When there is less of an attachment to, or belief in, or identification with stories, there is less of a sense of I and Other and of resistance and drama, so also an easier noticing of this quiet bliss. Identification goes out of content so there is a clearer seeing, which in turns allows for this quiet bliss to come into foreground of attention. So here, it is revealed that any experience is quiet bliss, independent of what (other) qualities it may have. Experiencing itself is quiet bliss.

A simple way of noticing this is to just be with what is, as it is. Whatever is, just be with it, for instance as a heartfelt being-with bringing in the three centers.

In addition to the simplicity revealed when there is a being with, there can be an overlay of stories. And these can still be identified with to different degrees, or not. For instance, when there is a belief in a story of a separate self these other stories are often about how what is, according to these stories, relate to this separate self, again according to these stories. It is good or bad, desirable and undesirable, and so on. This has a very useful practical function in terms of keeping this human self alive and functional in the world. Yet, when believed in, even to a lesser extent, there is drama and discomfort.

For a few days, there has been no impulse to do any form of practice (apart from The Work last night, and then only because I went to a group doing it together).

So then, there is always just being with what is, as it is. Allowing it, as it is, for its own sake.

And this being with allows for quite detailed explorations of resistance.

Seeing how identification with resistance (taking it as an I) creates a sense of I and Other, a center in space, something substantial at this center, drama and struggle, something to protect, separation and alienation, physical tension, being self-conscious (conscious of a particular image presented to the world), and so on.

And then seeing what happens when identification with resistance is lightened up on, released even to some extent… a reduced sense of split between I and Other, of a center, of something substantial at the center, of alienation and separation. And instead, a sense of ease, clarity, a wide open field with less or no boundaries.

And finally, in exploring the effects of resistance and absence of resistance, seeing that resistance achieves nothing apart from a sense of drama. It is a spinning of the wheels. And that the clarity that comes when identification is released from resistance is fertile ground for actions in the world.

It may seem that we need resistance and drama to act, and action may indeed happen in the midst of resistance and drama, but it often has a sense of contraction and drivenness about it, a lack of receptivity and clarity. Without the resistance, the same actions may happen, but now from more receptivity and clarity.

And of course, if there is not even this being with, that is fine as well. If attention gets caught up into the insides of stories, and there is identification with resistance, that too is OK. That too is the temporary play of the awake void. That too is a part of the landscape.