A rambling post that gets a little clearer in the summary… 

It is the perennial question for any kid and curious adult: What is the meaning of life? What is the meaning of my life?

It may be a little different for each of us, but most of us experience meaning around the same things. Survival. Relationships. Providing for ourselves and our family. Offspring. A sense of connection with others, ourselves, life, the universe. A sense of belonging. Making use of our potentials and opportunities. Being of service to those within our circle of us. Being remembered by others. Exploring the evolving fullness of who we are. Exploring what we really are.

In short, it all tends to revolve around two things: Taking care and enhancing the life of this human self and its circle of us. And finding a sense of connection with ourselves and the larger whole.

It is of course important to explore this for ourselves. Where do I experience a sense of meaning? How can I align my life a little closer with it? How can I bring it into my life a little more?

But the question we don’t so often ask ourselves is, what is meaning? How does this sense of meaning come about? What are the dynamics and mechanics behind it? What is the anatomy of meaning?

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Practice, at least the one aimed at seeing what we really are, is a strange process of the human self pulling the rug out from under itself. From taking itself as a doer, to see that there is only doing.

Or we can say that it is a process of shifting from the human self pointing to itself as the final truth of what it is, to pointing to awakeness/Ground as what it really is.

The human self notices that it always and already is a finger pointing to the moon.

What a strange thing.

I have explored this before, but keep coming back to it:

Any belief has a shadow, and it is no different with the most basic belief, the one in a sense of a separate I, and I with an Other.

In this belief, we take ourselves to be content of awareness. As an object. As one of many. As a center.

So the reversals of this is then the shadow of the belief in being an I with an Other.
The reversal of taking ourselves to be content of awareness, is to find ourselves as awareness.

The reversal of taking ourselves as a thing, is to find ourselves as no thing.

The reversal of taking ourselves as one of many, is to find ourselves as the field it all arises within and as.

The reversal of taking ourselves as a center, is to find ourselves as no center.

And we relate to these the way we relate to projections in general. And we are attracted to awareness. We fear nothingness. We ignore the field with no center.

In each case, the reversals are already here. The awakeness. The no thing that allows all things. The field all arises within and as. The absence of a center anywhere.
And in each case, it doesn’t fit our identity. So we see it out there.

I have awareness, but it comes and goes, and it is not me. Nothingness is out there somewhere, or after death. The field with no center is the universe or God, not me.

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I took the time to read some integral blogs today, and found some of the usual comments about “radical relativism” which I am sure many would apply to The Work. It helped me differentiate something that is pretty obvious, and we all know, but it may be good to clarify it for ourselves as well.

There are two ways of relating to and working with stories.

One is inquiry, such as The Work. I find a belief, or actually any story would do, and investigate it using the four questions and the turnarounds. And in the turnarounds, I find the genuine truth for me in each of them, with at least three examples of how it is already true in my own life. These stories then are equal to me, in that I can find the truth in each of them, I see they are all stories, and I also notice the inherent neutrality of the situation behind the stories.

And all of this has one purpose: to invite in a release of identification with any of these stories. To see that each of them are tools of practical value only. To not get blindly caught up in them and the drama of right and wrong and identification with them.

The other way of relating to stories is as tools. Tools of practical value for this human self, living its life in the world. Here, of course, the stories are not equal. Although there is some truth in each one, and each one can be useful in a particular situation, some have more explanation power than others, some are more compassionate than others, some are more elegant and gets the work done more effectively than others. Which one is a better tool depends on the situation, and also on where I am and what is available to me in terms of insights, experience, skills and so on.

Together, there is a freedom from identification with stories, which helps us live our lives with more clarity, kindness and insight. And there is a freedom in which stories we use, for practical purposes.

In the first case, there is an equality of the stories. It has to be, if we are honest with ourselves, and if we are to invite identification to release out of the stories.

In the second case, there is clearly not an equality among the stories. Some are more appropriate than others in any given situation, and we choose the best we can based on what tools  are available to us currently.

As I said initially, this is pretty obvious. Anyone who has done The Work or similar inquiries knows this at some level, even if they have not clarified it for themselves in this way. Using stories as tools of practical value, whether we identify with them or not, is what we naturally do. We cannot help it.

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An aspect of just about any practice is to allow it to work on me.

And what is this it?

It can be just about anything.

It can be Big Mind, when it awakens to itself, or even just glimpses or intuits itself, found through the Big Mind process, headless experiments, meditation, or happening out of thin air.

It can be this alive presence, in and around the body, personal and universal at the same time, substantial and transparent to the void, infinitely loving and wise, and found through prayer, Breema and (other) soul level practices.

It can be the tangible sense of body-mind wholeness, which I find through body-oriented or -inclusive practices.

It can be an open and alive heart, found through heart centered practices.

And finally, it can be any experience whatsoever, when it is fully allowed.

When an experience is resisted, independent of the content of the experience, it only reinforces the tendency to resist, the sense of I and Other, and patterns of rigidity and reactivity.

But when it is fully allowed, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, as it is, as if it would never change, it all shifts.  Then, there is an invitation to a fluidity of view, a nurturing fullness, and an open heart. There is a realignment and reorganization of this human self. A softening of the rigid patterns created from resistance. An opening into receptivity and fluidity.

And this is how all of these… Big Mind, alive presence, alive heart and more… works on the human self.

The view is invited to be more fluid and inclusive.

The heart becomes more alive and open.

There is less emotional reactivity, and more of a sense of nurturing fullness.

So when any of these (Big Mind, alive heart, allowing experience and so on) are alive and present, it is a reminder and invitation for this human self to soak in it, allow it to seep through, soften, reorganize and realign this human self.

A simple way of looking at how our world is built up…

First, the Ground of empty awareness, the no-thing that allows all things. The inherent absence of form which allows any form, the absence of color which allows any color, the absence of sound which allows any sound, and so on.

The, the world of form, which is no other than Ground itself. It happens within, to and as Ground. It is awakeness temporarily happening as form.

These are the sense fields… sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

Then, or as part of this, the overlay of thought. Thoughts that interpret and ask questions about the world. Creating boundaries. Mimicking the other sense fields. Forming gestalts with the other sense fields. Helping our human self to orient, navigate and function in the world.

Then, the overlay of beliefs in thoughts. Thoughts telling us that certain thoughts and gestalts are true, substantial, real.

And finally, from beliefs, the overlay of drama. The drama of maintaining and protecting beliefs. The drama of an I with an Other. The drama of story management.

The ones up through thought are there as long as this human self are around, whether Ground is awake to itself or not.

And the two last ones - beliefs and the drama of beliefs - are there when Ground is not quite awake to itself, when Ground forms itself into the appearance and belief in a separate I.

This map is only helpful - at best - as a preliminary roadmap while exploring this for ourselves, suggesting what to look for on the way.

And for me, labeling practice and exploring the sense fields is the most direct and effective way to explore it, along with all the other practices such as the Big Mind process, headless experiments, The Work, and being with experiences.

Rambling post…

I watched a conversation on meaning on a talk show on Swedish TV last night, including philosophers and others. (Which in itself says something about why it is more meaningful for me to be here in Scandinavia than in the US, at least in terms of the general culture!)

The conversation mostly stayed at the conventional level, but it made me curios about meaning. Specifically, what is meaning? (Strangely, not addressed in the program.)

To me right now, it seems that meaning is experienced when there is an alignment of our stories of what is and should be, or seeking a closer alignment of the two.

I want a nurturing intimate relationship, so see it as meaningful when I find it or work towards it. I want more money, so find it meaningful when I find or work towards that.

And within a should is an attraction and an aversion, or a seeking of freedom and fullness. Seeking freedom from something and experiencing the fullness of something else.

To take some examples: I experience money as meaningful, so I want the fullness of money and what it gets me. I see relationships as meaningful, so I want the fullness and intimacy of a good relationship. I want to find meaning in life, so I want the fullness of a sense of meaning. Similarly, I experience it as meaningful to find freedom from limitations, suffering, stuckness, certain situations, and so on. (The fullness may be in the forefront unless there is a critical need for freedom.)

(We can explore this for ourselves by taking any desire or wish, the more petty the better, and then see what we hope to get from it. What is the freedom I am looking for? What is the fullness I hope to find?)

This freedom and fullness shows up in different ways at different areas and levels.

As a human self, it has to do with freedom and fullness in our relationship with the world and ourselves, with the outer and inner. This can take many different forms, from an exclusive pursuit of money and status (which works to only a limited extent) to a wider embrace that also includes finding our own wholeness as a human being (which can be with us always).

And as Big Mind, it has to do with noticing the freedom from beliefs and identifications, and the fullness of the whole world of form, that already and always is here. Finding ourselves as Big Mind is the ultimate freedom and fullness, free from identification with any and all beliefs and identities, and full of whatever arises.

There are also widening circles of what is experienced as meaningful.

At the level of the (raw) personality, things has to line up a certain way to be meaningful. It has to fit the attractions and aversions of the personality. Then, as we work on noticing and living our evolving wholeness as a human being, most or all situations are fuel and material for this shift. And finally, as Big Mind awakens to itself, it is free from all views on meaning, so the human self functioning within this context is free to use, engage and play with any of them.

We can also say that meaning is God seeking to know itself as it already and always is.

Or rather, a sense of meaning comes when God is identified as a human being (or any other being for that matter), has an intuition and knowing of what it already and always is, and seeks to notice and live this more consciously.

Meaning arises in the tension between what God temporarily takes itself to be, and what it knows it already and always is, and in the closing of this gap through seeking to notice what it is and living it through a human life.

And this shows up in all the different ways we know from a human life: seeking money, status, relationships, health, joy, wholeness as a human being, God, awakening. It is all God seeking the freedom and fullness that it already knows it is.

It is seeking its freedom and fullness as Big Mind, or Buddha Mind, or Brahman, or the Divine Mind. This field of awakeness and form inherently absent of an I with an Other, yet still functionally connected with a human being.

And it is seeking freedom and fullness at all levels. As a human being living in the world, healing, maturing, developing, interacting, relating, engaging. Through to Big Mind noticing itself as what it already and always is, this field of awakeness and content, inherently absent of an I with an Other.

One is a freedom and fullness within the world of form. The other is noticing the freedom and fullness of what we already are, independent of what happens within the world of form.

Why leave one of them out?

So to summarize…

• A sense of meaning comes when we find or seek a closer alignment of our stories about what is and should be. Reality, as we see it, is - or is about to be - closer to our shoulds.
• Within any should is aversion and attraction, seeking freedom from something and the fullness of something else.
• As a human being, we work on finding this freedom and fullness in relationship to the wider world and ourselves, and we do this in many different areas and forms.
• The final freedom and fullness comes when what we already are notices itself, when Big Mind awakens to itself.
• There are widening circles of what is experienced as meaningful, until Big Mind awakens to itself and is free from any ideas of what is meaningful, so also free to engage and play with any of them. (The human self functionally connected with Big Mind awake to itself is free to engage and play with any and all ideas of meaning.)
• All of this can be seen as God seeking its own freedom and fullness. It temporarily identifies with a tiny part of its own content (this human self), knows intuitively what it already and always is, and seeks to notice and more consciously live the freedom and fullness of what it already and always is.

A quick overview of some forms of identification and disidentification:

• A polarized identification and disidentification with the field of form. Certain areas, such as this human self, is seen as a separate I, and the rest of the world, and awareness itself, is seen as Other. Identification is firmly within form itself, within content of awareness, and there is a sense of split within this field of form. This is the identification and disidentification that creates the whole (wonderful & terrible) drama of human life, when it is all taken as a drama of I and Other. It is also a mistaken identity.
• Awakeness can awaken to itself, and to this field of awakeness and form as itself. Here, there is an identification with anything arising as awakeness itself, and a disidentification with anything arising as just temporary manifestations of awakeness itself. The center of gravity is within, and as, awakeness, and although anything arising is recognized as itself, it is also recognized as only surface ripples. If this is all, it is awake yet nonfunctional.
• Within this awakening, there can still be a conventional identification with this human self. It is recognized as a vehicle for awakeness awake to itself, so it is “identified” with for only temporary and practical purposes, to allow it to function and orient in the world. This is similar to the first form of identification, only now it is free from any sense of separate I.
• And then there is the identification and disidentification of parts of this human self. Some are actively owned and part of its daily repertoire, and some are disowned and not. And this human self can actively shift into the disowned parts, becoming more familiar with them, and bringing them into its daily repertoire, allowing for fluidity among a wider terrain of who it already is. This is the one that allows our human self to heal, mature and develop into the fuller richness of what it is and can be.

More in depth…

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This came up through the comments to a previous post, and I thought it was important enough to make into its own post.

>> “The moment you ‘identify’ with any quality or substance, good or bad, we then gotta say bye, bye to the nondual”

Sounds good to me. There is a release of exclusive identification with anything within form, which allows Big Mind or whatever we want to call it to notice itself… as this field of awakeness and form inherently absent of I and Other.

Just an additional point: At our human level, we still may have disowned aspects. There are some qualities we are familiar with and know how to shift into a live from in our daily life, yet other qualities that are more foreign to us in terms of living them.

As awakeness itself, there is no separation to any of these qualities. Yet this human self is more familiar with some than others.

So here, it can be helpful to “identify” with some, to shift into them, bring them to life through this human self, to expand the repertoire of this human self. This is of course a quite different form of identification, one that is more of a shifting into it, and is more fluid and temporary.

Looking at knots is one way to show how psychology and spirituality are intertwined.

A knot is any hangup we have, and is a belief and its corresponding emotions and behavioral patterns.

It is usually experienced as stressful, as something being off, and gives a sense of separation. And it gives a sense of I and Other (which is what gives rise to the stress and a sense of something being off and separation), and distracts us from seeing what we really are.

So from the context of taking ourselves as this human self, it is uncomfortable and disatisfactory. And from the context of Big Mind, it distracts Big Mind from noticing itself.

A knot comes from an identification with a story, so we can work with it through releasing identification.

For instance, we can be with the experience of it, allowing it fully, in a wholehearted way. We allow whatever content of awareness, including the resistance to whatever comes up, so there is a release from identification with content in general.

We can explore the different voices or subpersonalities involved, and see that there is no “I” in any of them.

Or we can inquire into the belief itself and find the truth in each of its reversals, which released exclusive identification with any of them - the initial story and its reversals.

Disidentification with the knot complex allows us to find more peace with it at our human level, through seeing it more clearly - finding what is more true for us than our initial belief, and fully feeling whatever comes up in our experiences without getting caught up in resistance. And it also makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

We can also work more actively with owning, at our human level, what is left out from the initial belief and identity.

Through Voice Dialog, or the Big Mind process, we can shift into whatever voices are disowned by the initial belief and identity. We can try it on, see how the world looks from that perspective, explore what the voice offers to our human self, how it would be to bring it into our life more, and so on. We can also explore our human self’s relationship to the voice, and how that relationship can shift to allow the voice in more.

And the same can happen through Process Work, and by bringing the turnarounds of The Work into our daily life.

Owning disowned parts of our human self makes it easier, and more fun, to be who we take ourselves to be. And when what we are awakens to itself, it allows this awakening to be expressed through our human self in a richer and more fluid way. In either case, there is a new richness and fluidity there, a wider terrain that is expressed fluidly in the daily life of this human self. It is more fully and richly human.

Actively owning disowned parts also allows for a shift of identification out of our human self. On the one hand, we are more free to shift into the different voices and actively use them in our daily life. And on the other hand, it releases identification out of our human self in general. Which, as before, makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

These are just a couple of ways working on who and what we are are intertwined, and one invites and encourages the other, using just a few approaches as examples.

We can also bring in the soul level, this alive presence which is timeless yet also within time, spaceless yet also within space, impersonal yet also personal, rich and substantial yet also simple and emptiness itself. When we shift into, become more familiar with, and find ourselves as this alive presence, it allows our human self to reorganize within itself. Our human self heals, matures, finds itself more in the fullness of itself. And it shifts identification out of our human self, which makes it easier for Big Mind to notice itself.

Shifting into our soul level brings a sense of richness, fullness, nurturing, trust, and of being home, which helps our human self to relax, and again shift identification out of it. We are less caught up in the usual beliefs, identities, fears, hopes and so on of our human self.

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In ancient days an old woman made offering to a hermit over a period of twenty years, and one day she sent her sixteen-year-old niece to take food to the hermit, telling her to make advances to him and to see what he would do. So the girl lay her head on the hermits lap and said, how is this?

The hermit said: The withered tree is rooted in an ancient rock in bitter cold during winter months. There is no warmth, no life.

The girl reported this to her aunt, and the old woman said: That vulgarian! How outrageous! To think that I have made offerings to him for twenty years!

So she drove the hermit away and burnt down his cottage.

Zen, in my limited experience, is of course about awakening in the traditional sense, the realization of no I with an Other. But it is equally much about becoming more fully human, and how the practice before awakening, and the awakening itself, allows us to be more fully, deeply and richly human.

In the beginning, and depending on what teachings we are exposed to and practices we engage in, it can appear as the two are somehow in conflict. But after a while, and even right away with the right teachings and practices, we can see very clearly how they are not only aligned, but support each other. When we deepen into one, we can deepen further into the other.

Including both not only makes the path much more enjoyable, and allows us to get something out of it even if there is not a stable awakening of Big Mind, but it also allows Big Mind - however clearly it has awakened to itself - to express itself more fully, richly and fluidly through our human self.

It helps who we take ourselves to be, before awakening. And it helps what we find ourselves to always be to express itself more fully and richly, following awakening. (Big Mind always expresses itself fully and perfectly, whether it is awake to itself or not, and no matter what shape the human self is in, but there is still a difference in how maturely, richly and fluidly it is expressed through our human self.)

To use God language, we can say that all is God, no matter what, and it is all God expressing and exploring itself. But there is a difference in whether it is awake to itself or not. And there is a difference in how healed, mature and developed the human self is that it is awake (or not) to itself through. Why focus on just one?

In this case, the test was not only how attached the monk still was to beliefs and identities, which is the awakening aspect, but also how fluidly any awakening and release from beliefs and identities was expressed. The monk failed in both respects.

As with any koan, this one must be resolved by living it. It is never resolved by insight alone, however clever, even if it comes from a clear and stable awakening.

Ikkyu, that crazy monk, knew this:

The old woman was bighearted enough
To elevate the pure monk with a girl to wed.
Tonight if a beauty were to embrace me
My withered old willow branch would sprout a new shoot!

There is a beautiful complementarity between allowing and owning whatever arises.

As awakeness itself, we already and always allow whatever arises. Shifting into finding ourselves as awakeness, there is a release of identification with whatever resistance there is to it. We can now hold whatever arises and the resistance to it, without blindly taking ourselves as either one. There is a passive allowing of it all. It is just a noticing of what is already and always here. (Although the shift into noticing it is often active.)

Yet at our human side, it is also important to actively own whatever arises. To actively become familiar with it, see that it is part of me, widen my conscious identity to include it, explore how it already shows up in my life, explore what it asks of me, discover how it supports the life of this human self, bring it into the active repertoire of how this human self lives in the world. This includes noticing a part of this human self that was already around, actively bringing it into my conscious identity at my human level, and actively exploring it in and bringing it into my daily life.

And as so often, there is a mutuality between the two. One supports the other.

Allowing whatever arises helps me more easily actively own it. I can release identification from any beliefs and identities that stopped me from seeing it as part of my human self, and I can now more wholeheartedly embrace it and find its gifts.

And actively own it helps me release identification with old beliefs and identities that previously kept it as “other”, which in turn makes it easier for me to find myself as awakeness itself, already allowing it all.

The allowing is the enlightenment part, finding myself as awakeness and everything arising to and within awakeness as no other than this awakeness itself. And the owning is the self-realization part, the healing, maturing and development of this human self.

Or we can say that the first is the Self-realization, and the other is the self-realization. It is the realization of the Self, as Big Mind, Brahman, the divine mind, or whatever fancy name we have for it. And it is the realization of the self, of the wholeness of who this individual self is and can be.

There are as many examples of this as there are experiences.

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When there is an awakening, it happens both for the unmanifest and the manifest.

The unmanifest - awareness, awake void - awakens to itself as the unmanifest, and as the manifest happening within, to and as itself.

The manifest - this human self and the wider world - similarly awakens to itself as awake void, and to itself as the manifest already and always inherently absent of an I with an other.

Both awakens to its nature as the field of awake void and form inherently absent of an I with an Other.

Both can, and usually do, happen suddenly. But the second one also take time to trickle through, to reorganize all the different parts of this human self within this new context of not being taken as an I with an Other. The realization is there, but deepening into the lived realization takes time. As long as this human self is still around, it continues to reorganize, mature and develop within this new context.

See and knowing and recognizing that everything in me is universally human is one thing, loving it is another, and to have a deeply felt-sense of the same is again something quite different.

I see it more clearly, especially as I do different forms of inquiry, and there is often even a love for it. But the felt-sense is often less clear. Sometimes it is there, sometimes not.

Different forms of body oriented practices seems to help with a deepening into this bodily felt-sense of universality and ordinariness, and I have most recently noticed this through the transformational breath work.

After the sessions, and when I do it on my own, there is sometimes a dropping into a deep felt-sense of all of this being completely universal and ordinary, with no exception and no possibility for an exception.

With it, there is sometimes some fear and panic that comes up. There is still identification with an identity as someone intrinsically different, which seems to be an identity that is inevitably formed when there is a sense of I and Other, and this deep bodily sense of ordinariness goes counter to that attachment, which brings up some fear and panic.

For me, there is almost a sense of drowning into it when this deep bodily sense of ordinariness is there… a drowning of that particular identity as intrinsically different.

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To continue the exploration of the difference between allowing and actively embrace…

When there is a disidentification with stories and identities, there is also an allowing of what is, as it is. So if there is a disidentification with all stories and identities, there is also a full allowing of anything happening here and now, including this human self and the wider world. It is all recognized as awakeness manifesting as form. And this is the traditional awakening, it is Big Mind awakening to itself.

Beyond this, it is possible for this human self to actively explore itself and embrace itself in its evolving fullness. It can actively explore and own its different voices and subpersonalities, become familiar with and live from a wider repertoire of qualities and ways of being in the world, and find a new fluidity among a wide and unlimited range of identities and roles in the world. All of this allows this human self to heal, mature and develop in a more active way, beyond what it would do (or not) if there was not this active exploration and familiarization.

It is a different way of participating in the development of this human self, and through this and in a small way to actively participate in the evolution of our culture and the even wider whole.

And it is also a way to develop skillful means. If Big Mind is awake to itself, then the human self it functions through is its main - and really only - skillful means. So actively engage in its healing, maturing and development only makes sense.

Whenever I use the word disidentification there is a part of me that cringe, because I know it can sound very different from how it is meant.

It can easily sound aloof, distant, transcendent, and all the other words that -rightly so - have associations of escape.

But the reality of it is very different.

The reality of it is that identification - with beliefs, identities, this human self and anything else - automatically creates resistance and ambivalence. We identify with certain beliefs and identities, and anything that does not fit this, whether it happens in this human self or the wider world, is resisted. We cannot help it. There is a great deal of ambivalence about our human self and the wider world, which creates drama, stress, escape, clinging, and resistance. We are part of it, yet also don’t want to be. We appreciate some of it, and want something else to go away. We disown parts of our self and what it means to be a human, and we build cases for how life should be different.

And a disidentification with this - with beliefs and identities and all that comes with it - is an allowing of it all. It is a wide embrace of who we are as a human being, and this life, and the world as it shows up. This is what automatically happens through disidentification.

Beyond this full allowing of it all, there is also an invitation for our human self to actively embrace all of what it is, to actively explore and own all its different parts and voices and subpersonalities. To actively live and become familiar with itself as it is mirrored in everyone else and everything in the wider world. To find a fluidity among a wide range of identities without getting caught up in blind identification with any of them. To engage with a much wider repertoire of ways of being in the world.

Far from being aloof, distant, unengaged, one-dimensional, or living up to any shoulds or identities, a disidentification with beliefs and identities allows and invites for an active embrace and living of all of what this human self is and matures into.

This does not automatically happen, but the invitation is there. And whether or not this invitation is taken depends on the interest and impulses of this human self, and it is really OK either way.

Although I have to say, emphasizing the active embrace of our human self is a juicy addition. Without it, there is just the automatic and passive allowing of whatever happens to manifest. With it, there is an active engagement, exploration and living of always more of the wholeness of this human self, and its unfolding development.

It is more fun. And just in terms of skillful means, it also makes sense. In our culture, the juicy engagement and embrace of all of what we are is more attractive to many of us than the traditional emphasis on transcending and escape. Why escape? This life may be messy, but it is what is here so why not actively embrace it beyond a passive allowing?

Awakened is not inherently better than not awakened. Not at all. It is only when there is no awakening that it can appear so.

The unmanifest is always the unmanifest, whether it is awake to itself or not, and no matter how the manifest is manifesting. It is always there, as that which space and time and the whole world of form unfolds within, to, and as.

But the manifest is manifesting as a human only rarely. It is a rare occasion, so why not embrace it, live it, appreciate it, as it is? Why even seek awakening, unless you can’t help it?

There is a an inseparable intimacy between void awake to itself, and a deepening into our humanity.

In both cases, we invite void to notice itself as void, and when it does, to express itself more fully through our human life. And in both cases, we allow our human self to know and express itself more fully as universally human, and also in its uniqueness.

A widening embrace of our humanity involves an untying of knots and release of identification, which in turn invites void to notice itself, and our human self to more fully and freely express the fullness of what it is.

And void noticing itself involves a release of (exclusive) identification with the manifest, which allows void awake to itself to more fully and freely express itself through our human life, and also gives the freedom for our human self to embrace and express itself more fully and freely.

A deepening into one is a deepening into the other, and disidentification is the key in both cases.

Disidentification with the manifest invites our human self to heal, mature and develop, and allows it to embrace and express itself more fully. And the same disidentification allows void to notice itself, and express itself more consciously and freely through our human life.

And disidentification can happen in many ways.

It can happen through exploring beliefs, which is an identification with an exclusive view, and see what is already more true for us, which releases the identification and allows us to find the grain of truth in each of the turnarounds of the initial story.

Simply being with our experiences, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, also invites a disidentification with the content of our experiences.

We can also explore the different aspects of our human self and see that there is no “I” anywhere there, find ourselves as void awake to itself, and explore how void awake to itself can be expressed through this human life, through the Big Mind process.

Or we can just find ourselves as the unmanifest, and the manifest as the unmanifest, through headless experiments.

In each case, the release of blind identification opens for a healing, maturing and development of our human self, and also for void noticing itself more easily.

As so often, it tends to sound very abstract when described in general terms like this, but it can be very much alive and juicy when explored through our own life.

There is a large number of reasons for practice and seeking awakening, and for each of us, which ones are in the foreground change over time, including over the very short and the longer time scales.

The typical ones are probably to escape the suffering of knots and exclusive identification with this human self, and the one on other side of the coin, which is to find a sense of coming home and quiet bliss.

And there are many other ones, such as getting another badge (sense of achievement, impressing someone, status), living up to shoulds (being a good person, doing what the traditions and teachers tells us to do), fears (escape from suffering, now and in the future), hopes (finding release, finding home), and also curiosity (what is really true, how is it all put together, who am I really), and finally, to be more fully who and what we (already) are.

At any stage in our process, it is probably helpful to explore what our current motivations are, and be honest with ourselves about it. Whatever they are is OK. Being familiar with what is here now is an important part of the process, so noticing our motivations is just a part of that.

For me, I find each of these motivations surfacing at different times, and probably many I can’t think of right now.

Sometimes, I practice to escape something. There is suffering or stress, and I know it comes from holding onto fixed views (beliefs) and resistance to experience, so I may do inquiry or be with what I am experiencing in a more heartfelt way.

More often, it is curiosity. What is really here? Who or what am I really? What is going on, how is this body-mind put together, how does it function, how does it relate to the wider world?

And if I am honest, it is even more about becoming more fully human. I have often felt like an outsider, so spiritual practice helps me allow and embrace my humanity more fully and more wholeheartedly, with all its quirks and oddities.

Practice for me is about inviting knots to untie themselves (belief-emotion-behavior conglomerates), examining beliefs to see what is already more true for me, allowing exclusive identifications to fall away, and being with experience as it is, even if it would never change.

And each of these allows me to more fully be who I am, as this human being, allowing it all, as it is. It helps me to own disowned parts. It is a way to become more familiar with more of the terrain of being a human being, alive today.

And these practices also invites what I really am to notice itself more clearly, it prepares the ground for Big Mind to notice itself, on its own time.

Embracing and discovering who I am, as this human being, and what I am, as the unmanifest inseparable from the manifest, are two sides of the same coin. Each allows for the other, and each allows a deepening into the other.

A friend of mine mentioned how there are always new layers of healing, with no end in sight. And there is a beauty in that.

At our human level, there is always further to go with healing, maturing and developing.

There is no end to healing, because as long as there is a sense of a separate self there is something that is wounded and more to heal. And there is no end to maturing and developing, because the maturing and development of this human self is intrinsic to the evolution of the world of form as a whole.

The no-end-to-healing situation is exactly what may encourage us to explore what we really are, to notice ourselves as this awake void and form, inherently absent of an I with an other.

After a while, seeing always new layers of healing, we realize that there is literally no end to it. One layer is healed, only to reveal another. It can go on forever.

And that is what help us shift into a whole new orientation. One of exploring what is really going on and what we really are, in our own immediate experience, unfiltered by ideas. And one of allowing all that is, as it is, here and now. To see, feel and love it as it is.

We realize that seeking something that is always beyond the horizon - whether it is healing or something else - in itself is what prevents us from being at peace with what is, and finding contentment here and now. And it is also what prevents Ground from noticing itself.

When we seek something just beyond the horizon, something that is (apparently) not quite here yet, we don’t see the inherent wholeness of this human self, in spite of all its wounds. And the dust kicked up in the drama of seeking also prevents Ground, this field of awake void and form absent of an I and Other, from noticing itself.

Another topic that is pretty obvious…

Before Ground awakens to itself, it makes sense to do practices that invites Ground to notice itself and also makes it easier to be who we take ourselves to be. Why leave one out?

And after Ground awakens to itself, it makes sense to continue with practices that allows who we took ourselves to be, this human self, to continue to mature and develop. After all, it is who Ground-awake-to-itself is expressed through in the world, and part of the exploration and development of skillful means.

Some practices focus on one or the other, and that is fine and useful. And other cover both areas seamlessly.

Among those covering both areas…

• Being-with of whatever arises
• The Work
• Big Mind process
• Headless experiments
• Heart practices such as gratitude and rejoicing in others happiness.
• Stability practice and meditative inquiry

Each of these (a) makes it easier to be who we take ourselves to be, (b) makes it easier for Ground to notice itself, and (c) makes it easier for our main tool for skillful means following awakening, this human self, to continue to mature and develop.

(more…)

It is always fun to play around with quadrants, partly because four field is just enough to make some interesting differentiations and also few enough to grasp right away.

Three that comes up for me is (a) inner/outer, one/many (as Ken Wilber has popularized through is aqal model), (b) self/other, human/spirit (practice), and (c) beyond/embrace, noticing/working with (path).

When I explore the last one, I see that…

I can go beyond and include polarities in two ways: by noticing and also by working with it.

In general, I notice that life is already beyond and includes any and all polarities. And I work with it in my own human life, exploring how it arises and is expressed in this life.

And I can filter it further through each quadrant…

I go beyond and notice by noticing that life is already and always beyond any and all polarities. First, the world of form is a fluid seamless whole beyond any pole and polarity. (When I find myself as Witness, as pure seeing, this is alive in immediate awareness. Whatever arises, here and now, is revealed as aspects of one fluid seamless whole.) Also, when I find myself as awake void I also go beyond polarities, and when I notice the world of form as nothing other than this awake void, I similarly find the world of form beyond polarities.

I go beyond and work with it by finding in my human self whatever I see out there in others and the world. I allow my identity at my human level to embrace both ends of any polarity. I familiarize myself with it, and include it in my active repertoire. All this is a process with no end point and takes work. This includes letting go of beliefs and identities, and allowing a fluidity of views and a more inclusive human identity. This human self deepens and matures into its own unique and universal humanity.

I include and notice by noticing that this fluid seamless whole of form already and always includes any and all poles and polarities. And also by noticing that the play of awake void as form likewise always and already includes any and all poles and polarities.

I include and work with by familiarizing myself with each pole and polarity in this human self, and how they arise and are expressed in this human life, and how they can be expressed. As before, this is an ongoing process, and involves a maturing and development of this human self.

As usual, there is a mutuality among all of these. Working with one makes it easier to work with the three others.

By noticing that which is already and always beyond and embracing any polarity, I can more easily work with it in my own human life

And by working with it in my own life, I can more easily notice that which - in its form and void aspects - already and always are beyond and includes any polarity.

The noticing part has to do with Ground awakening, with Enlightenment.

And the working part has to do with the maturing and development of this individual human and soul, which makes it easier to be who we take ourselves to be before Ground awakening, and is an intimate part of skillful means following a Ground awakening.

(more…)

A recent New York Times article, This is Your Life (and How You Tell It) on narrative psychology, which, in its essence, says the stories we tell about ourselves, others and the world, influence how we see these (in past, future, present) and our actions.

Psychologists have shown just how interpretations of memories can alter future behavior. In an experiment published in 2005, researchers had college students who described themselves as socially awkward in high school recall one of their most embarrassing moments. Half of the students reimagined the humiliation in the first person, and the other half pictured it in the third person.

Two clear differences emerged. Those who replayed the scene in the third person rated themselves as having changed significantly since high school — much more so than the first-person group did. The third-person perspective allowed people to reflect on the meaning of their social miscues, the authors suggest, and thus to perceive more psychological growth.

And their behavior changed, too. […]

The recordings showed that members of the third-person group were much more sociable than the others. “They were more likely to initiate a conversation, after having perceived themselves as more changed,” said Lisa Libby, the lead author and a psychologist at Ohio State University. She added, “We think that feeling you have changed frees you up to behave as if you have; you think, ‘Wow, I’ve really made some progress’ and it gives you some real momentum.”

Several things come to mind here:

• We filter the world through our stories, which in turn color (determine, to a large extent) how we experience and act in the world.
• By changing these stories, we experience and act in the world differently.
• Yet, as long as we believe in these stories, at any level, we are trapped by them. We experience and act as if they were true.
• So when there is a disengagement from these stories, seeing them as relative truths with truths in each of their turnarounds, a whole new landscape opens up. One that is less filtered through believed-in stories, one that is more nakedly perceived, and one that allows us to play with any story, and use any story as a temporary and practical tool for this human self to navigate and orient in the world.
• Talking about this human self in third person allows for a disidentification with it, which in turn allows for (a) an easier rewrite of our stories about ourselves and the world, and (b) an easier disengagement with these stories in general. From seeing this human self, and our stories about it, as a subject and an “I”, it becomes an object and an he/she/it.

In terms of research, it seems that it would be good to explore the effects of (a) the type of stories used, and (b) the degree of belief in these stories. Are they taken as gospel truth, at all levels, included supported by society? Are they consciously not believed in, but believed in at deeper levels? Is there a release from them at more levels of being (emotional, behavioral)? What happens then?

In terms of therapy and practice, it is probably a good thing to include both the rewrite and disengagement aspects, especially as they mutually influence each other.

When there is a rewriting of our stories about ourselves and the world, for instance through finding the genuine, and relative, truths in each of their turnarounds, there is also an easier disengagement from them.

(The rewrite can happen in many ways, but the easiest, for me at least, is to fully acknowledge the limited truth in the initial story, and even the gifts in it, and also the limited truth in each of its turnarounds. Instead of denying the truth in one story and trying to hold onto another as true, there is more of a wide embrace and a wide open field this way. Denial brings a sense of struggle and precariousness, and a wide embrace a sense of ease and no truths or identities to protect.)

And conversely, when there is a disengagement from these stories, even temporarily, it is easier to rewrite them.

The New York Times Story is also a reminder of modern academic psychology still being in its infancy, which means that a large portion of it still is an examination, refinement or rediscovery of what is already known, even by regular laypeople. It is a necessary phase, and valuable in itself as it helps refine and clarify processes and mechanisms… and also sift out what is valid and what is not among what laypeople assume is so!

When this initial phase is more fleshed out, and the insights from many contemplative and body-oriented traditions are explored in a more modern (post modern, post-post modern) context, there is a great potential for a far more finely-tuned and practical insights into the mind, as the aqal map is only the initial - and very general - taste of.

A quick note on something I have written about many times before…

When there is a Ground awakening, we can say that content does not need to change. It is an awakening of the awake void to itself, and its form aspect can stay the same. It is as if the bottom falls out, with the content hanging there in mid-air without any identification anymore, without being taken as an I with an Other.

At the same time, changes in content do often go before such an awakening… there are changes there that invites the awake void to notice itself. So the initial statement, although correct in theory, is often not the whole story.

And also, although a Ground awakening does not require any change of content, the content does often change as a consequence of it. There is a reorganization of our human self at the three centers, in terms of view (reflecting a nondual realization), heart (open to all form aspects, all situations and beings), and belly (a felt-sense of all as God, and a reorganization of emotions from reactive patterns to a steady nurturing fullness).

It is correct in an idealized situation that the content does not (have to) change prior to or following a Ground awakening (of course, what awakens to itself is the timeless Now so there isn’t really a before or after, apart from what appears as a before and after in our stories about it), but that is only part of the picture.

Mainly, emphasizing that distinction of content and Ground may serve as a teaching tool to nudge people to look for what is there independent of content, and not get caught up in the merry-go-round of always trying to change and improve content (which does not lead to Ground awakening). And as a teaching tool, it can certainly be helpful.

But it is also true that a Ground awakening is often preceded and followed by a change in content, if we look at our stories (memories) about this before and after.

It is ironic how finding ourselves as that which is furthest removed from the human (the awake void) is what allows for a deepening into what is most human… Finding ourselves as awake void, as nothing at all, as that which is free from any identification, is exactly that which allows for this human self to deepen into its humanity, to mature and develop into its evolving fullness. Free from identification and resistance, the always changing wholeness of the human self is embraced and allowed to evolve freely.

But that is only one side of it. The other side is that the identification with content, with this human self, and the resistance that brings with it, is also a part of the maturing of the human self… that too is part of the process, before the void awakens to itself.

I have recently come across several references to digesting the habitual patterns of our human self… the beliefs and all their effects, including emotional reactivity and behavioral tendencies.

When I explored this for myself, I saw that this digestion happens in several ways.

It can happen through an heart-felt seeing and being with. For instance (a) by being with the gestalt of it as it arises, which tends to invite a deepening into our humanity. (b) By noticing whatever thoughts and emotions that arises as void itself (as fleeting, and insubstantial). And (c) by differentiate and clarify what arises, through for instance labeling practice (seeing how emotions are really just sensations and a story added onto it).

I can also explore the content of what comes up, through for instance identifying the belief behind the reaction, and exploring that belief (The Work), or through tracking the process behind it (e.g. Process Work).

I can also invite the soul level to work on it, either while bringing in the heart-felt seeing, or as an ongoing process outside of attention. After the endarkenment shift, this one has been especially alive.

In general, the digestion happens through (a) noticing what already is, and (b) maturing as a human being through insight into patterns, and a reduced identification with particular identities (which in turns allows me to deepen into our shared humanity, and allows a more well-rounded personality to form.)

These are some things from preliminary explorations of the three centers… or rather, how Spirit is filtered through the three centers, and then in turn filtered through this human self. (As it is alive in immediate awareness.)

How Spirit is filtered through each…

• Heart… as alive presence. In general as a field of alive presence, in the heart region as the indwelling God, this alive presence specifically for this individual.
• Head… as awake luminous void, and all form as this awake void, inherent absent of an I with an Other.
• Belly… as smooth velvety round full luminous blackness.

Each of these are a field… what form arises within, to and as. Each one, transparent to the Ground, and no other than Ground itself. Each one, impersonal and personal (specifically for this, and any, human self) at the same time. Each one, infinitely loving, intelligent, receptive, and responsive to this (and any) individual.

When these centers are awakened, even in an early phase, it allows for a seeing (head), loving (heart) and feeling (belly) of all as Spirit (Big Mind, Brahman, Tao). It is Spirit filtered through each center, and then seeing/loving/feeling itself through them.

At the human level, an awakened (even partially) center, allows for…

• Heart… receptivity, seeing myself in others, recognition, empathy, sense of intimacy, no separation.
• Head… receptivity, seeing stories as only stories, seeing the grain of truth in all the reversals of any story, revealing the inherent neutrality of the situation.
• Belly… a felt-sense of deep trust, safety, allowing for a deep reorganization and healing of the human self, especially at the emotional level.

The three centers are really one system… the deep felt-sense of trust from the belly center invites for a receptivity of the heart and head centers. The receptivity of the heart centers invites a receptivity of the head center, and also a deepening felt-sense of trust and safety. And the same goes for the head center.

The beauty of Spirit filtered through these three centers is how it allows for the impersonal aspects of Spirit and also the personal, the ones specifically for this and any other individual. It naturally and effortlessly seems to allow both into the foreground of awareness.

I also see how they each have come through in different phases of my life, allowing for an easier differentiation of each one. During the initial awakening, the head center awakened allowing for a seeing of all form as awake luminous void, inherently absent of any separate self anywhere. Then, the heart center awakened strongly, allowing for a loving of all as God, as Spirit. Then, over the last few months (partly through Breema, and partly through the endarkenment shift) the belly center, revealing all form as luminous blackness, velvety smooth, round, full, allowing for a deep sense of safety and trust for this human self, and a reorganization especially on the emotional level.

When I believe a story, taking it as an absolute truth, my world is narrowed in as defined by the story. In a sense, I find myself on the inside of the story. Similarly, any belief creates an identity which defines who I take myself to be. And any belief also creates a sense of a separate self, which needs to be anchored somewhere - usually in this human self. So I also find myself on the inside of this human self. So there is a sense of a separate I, existing on the inside of this human self, inside of a particular identity, and inside of a belief in a particular belief about life.

As soon as I start exploring this, I find myself also outside of all of this. I am outside, looking in. So right there is some distance, some release.

And if there is a thorough and sincere exploration of what is already more true for me than the belief, it falls away… The belief in the story falls away. The identification with the identity it creates falls away. And the sense of a separate I defined by and existing on the inside of the story, identity and this human self falls away.

There is a taste of spaciousness, and even of Big Mind.

Now, I am that which all of this… stories, identities, this human self… arises within, to and as. This awakeness it arises within, to and as. This awake nothingness all things happen within, to and as.

Some of the ways there is, and is not, a separate self…

Finding ourselves as emptiness, there is an absence of a separate self… and anything else for that matter. The void is void.

Finding ourselves as awake emptiness and form, and form as no other than awake emptiness itself, there is also an absence of a separate self. There is just one field of awake emptiness and form, with no more or less identification with any part of it. This human self senses, thinks, acts in the world, but there is only the doing and no doer there. It all happens on its own, as part of the field.

Within form, there is also no separate self. There is just a seamless field of form, with infinite causes and infinite effects to anything happening locally… including anything happening to, within and as this particular human self.

And finally, within form, there is a separate self. This human self exists within the world of form. It is a whole as well as a part of a much larger whole. It is a holon in a holarchy. And in that sense, there is a separate self, or rather a separate individual living, relating and behaving in the world.

It is just that this separate self is not really separate from the wider world of form, nor is there a local doer there, nor is it anything else than emptiness itself.

All together, there is emptiness awake to itself and the inherent absence of a separate self in anything. There is the seamless whole of the world of form, with everything local having infinite causes and effects. And there is also the differentiation of this human individual from the wider world, allowing it to function in the world with a particular identity (an identity used for differentiation only, seen as only a relative, utilitarian, limited and temporary, truth.)

When the Ground of emptiness awakens to itself, it can be very odd for our human self. It is used to being identified with, and no it is suddenly not identified with anymore.

It realizes that it is just happening, just as everything else is just happening.

There are still sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts, choices, actions, relationships and everything else, but it is just happening on its own. It is all living its own life. There is lots of doing, but no doer anywhere. There is just a field of what is happening… this room, the sound of the dehumidifier, the cat walking up to connect, the chill on the fingers, tapping of the keys, thoughts arising reflected in words on the screen, getting up to get a glass of water… one field, with no part being more or less identified than anything else.

It can be disconcerting for the human self at first. Will it get by without being identified with? Isn’t being identified with, taken as an I, necessary for it to function in the world?

The rug is pulled out from under its feet, the bottom fell out, it is suspended in thin air…

But if it stays with this, it sees that not only can the human self function well without being identified with, it can even function better in relative terms. There is an absence of drama, so just clarity and simplicity… even the most engaged activities happens within a context of utter clarity and simplicity.

In a way, it is a matter of trust. Of the human self trusting it can function OK without being taken as a separate I. Sometimes, emptiness awakens to itself so clearly that all questions are blown away and the awakening is stable. Other times, and maybe more commonly, emptiness awakens to itself many times, each time followed by the human self not quite trusting the shift and going back into safe and familiar ground, and each time becoming a little more familiar with living without being identified with. Each time trusting a little more, until the shift happens in a more stable way.

There never was a separate self in the first place… only awakeness, emptiness and whatever is happening in form… the only difference is that now, this awake emptiness notices itself… and when it does, any exclusive identification with any part of this field goes out the window.

It is seen as simply a belief in the idea of a separate self, as placing a sense of I within a segment of this field and making the rest into Other. Emptiness awakening to itself cleans it all out.