When I look at the importance of growing and waking up, I find a few simple things.

Growing up invites in healing and maturing, and that takes care of most of what we seek in our human life, and also what we seek when we are identified with this human life. This includes living a life that is nurturing for ourselves and the larger social/ecological whole and even future generations. (So the universe and God can explore and experience itself through the myriad of life forms on this planet, including humans, a little longer.

Waking up gives the final release from any sense of I with an Other, it makes it possible for reports from this noticing, and it invites our human self to reorganize and explore itself and its life in the world within this new context.

So it is easy to notice the importance of growing up. In short, it is good for ourselves and those around us, and future generations as well. We live a little more responsibly. We are less caught up in blind projections and blindly seeking things from the wider world. We tend to be easier to get along with. We may make choices within a slightly larger perspective - even a global and long-time one.

It may be less easy to notice the importance of waking up. It doesn’t really bring that much more into the picture, beyond the growing up part. There is the final shift of identification out of our human self, and stories in general. There is a noticing of what we already and always are. There is the noticing of all as the play of awareness. But not much more.

So why even aim at waking up? It doesn’t seem to make much sense, from most perspectives.

Yet, for some of us, there is that yearning. Something that is not satisfied by the growing up process, of healing and maturing, as much as that in itself is rewarding and meaningful. There is something else going on for us. We just can’t help it.

Maybe that is why so many teachers - at least in Zen which I am most familiar with - say that if you can help it, don’t engage in a waking up process. Just live your life. Enjoy yourself! Only do it if you can’t help it.

And the can’t help it part doesn’t seem to have so much with the typical reasons people give for working on the waking up part. For me, at least, there is that quiet love for truth and existence. Something that can’t be helped. A very quiet and unyielding pull.

Going into or coming out of retreats, there is an invitation for me to ask: How much difference is there for me between retreat and daily life? How do I experience that difference?

And if the difference is quite noticeable, there is an invitation for another question: How - if at all - am I drawn to bring my practice more into daily life? How would that look?

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Summary:

• I can clarify what I seek, and then funnel these motivations into either growing up or waking up.
• I find that this sorting has to do with the effects of growing up and waking up, and also the effects of aiming at either.
• The effects of growing up: Healing and maturing in my human life. Finding the wholeness and richness of my human self. A sense of self-reliance. Less caught up in blind projections. A relatively stable sense of quiet joy in life, no matter how it shows up.
• The effects of waking up: What I am notices itself, already free from an I with an Other. This releases identification with whatever patterns were created from taking this human self as a separate I, and these patterns also wear off over time.
• The effects of aiming at growing up: Gradual healing and maturing. Typically see good results. Relatively easy to find guidance and support from the culture.
• The effects of aiming at waking up: May not happen at all, or only in glimpses. Can be discouraging, especially if the only goal is to wake up.
• Split strategy: Clarify and funnel motivations into either growing and waking up, and use different strategies for each. If someone can only find interest in one or the other, this one works fine. But if they find both, it can be slightly inefficient.
• All eggs in one basket strategy: Telling people that their motivation for getting something/anything will be satisfied by aiming at waking up. It may work well if people use tools and strategies that invite in both growing and waking up, and they don’t get discouraged if awakening doesn’t happen. But it may not work so well if people get discouraged in spite of progress in growing up, or it they use strategies and tools only aimed at waking up and not growing up. This strategy is quite common in the different traditions, but can also be risky.
• Consolidated strategy: Clarify and funnel motivations into growing or waking up, and use strategies and tools that invite in both. (This may also work for those who can only find motivations for one or the other.)

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Draft…

Blocks may appear as obstacles to my path - whether that path is in the world or a path of growing/waking up. But if I take these blocks a certain way, they themselves become my temporary path.

Blocks appear either in the wider world - as situations or people), or in our human self - as knots, hangups, compulsiveness, stuckness.

In either case, they are something my personality doesn’t like. Otherwise they wouldn’t appear as blocks.

And in either case, they tend to trigger knots in me. Hangups. Complexes of beliefs, reactive emotions, and habitual behaviors.

Blocks bring attention to knots, inviting me to work with them.

They invite me to inquire into my beliefs, finding what is more true for me than the initial belief. And they invite me to fully allow experience, including those my personality doesn’t immediately like. And from here, there is often a genuine appreciation - for the knot, the block, the process of working with it, and whatever else may be going on.

So whether I see my path in terms of how my human self lives in the world, or as a process of growing or waking up, blocks temporarily become my path.

A block appears on my path, and this invites me to work with the knot that comes up, which clarifies for me my path in the wider world, and also supports growing and waking up.

A more anthropomorphic way of putting it is that my knots wants to be seen, felt and loved. They throw up blocks in my path, so I will notice them (the knots) and as an invitation to see, feel and love them.

And in the process clarify my path in the world, and also grow and wake up a little more.

Just to summarize the previous post…

To me, right now at least, it seems helpful to differentiate practice aimed at growing up (healing/maturing) and waking up (to what we are).

If my motivation and intention is to reduce suffering and find happiness - to get/compensate for/escape from something - it seems appropriate to emphasize a practice aimed at healing and maturing, finding my wholeness as who I am, this human self.

And if my motivation is truth and love -  a quiet curiosity or love of existence - it makes more sense to aim at waking up, inviting what I am to notice itself. (And also working at maturing which aids awakening, and helps it be expressed in a more fluid way.)

It can be helpful to sincerely investigate and clarify our real motivation. Although in real life, it doesn’t necessarily make that much difference, especially if we use tools that work simultaneously at both levels. The ones that help us grow up, and invite in a waking up as well.

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Somewhat convoluted…

I find different reasons for practice at the levels of who I am (this human self) and what I am (that which experience happens within, to and as).

At the level of who I am, the reasons for practice are healing and maturing. And at the level of what I am, inviting what I am to notice itself, the motivations are truth and love.

Right now, it seems helpful to differentiate the two.

At the level of who I am, I practice to heal and mature, and this reduces suffering and sets the stage for happiness. It invites in both, in a genuine way and to an extent that is sufficient for most of us.

The world is a mirror for me, so I find in my own human self what I see in the wider world. There is a sense of wholeness, embracing the (evolving) fullness of who I am, of self-reliance. I am not looking for people or situations for happiness, but carry it with me in my own wholeness.

So this alone is a pretty good reason for practice, and - as mentioned - quite enough for many of us.

But for some of us, finding this approximate wholeness as who we are, is still not quite enough. We see that it is an approximate wholeness, no matter how much we work on it, and there is still a sense of I-Other, of a subtle separation, of something not quite right, of something missing, of not quite being home yet.

So then there is the practice at the level of what we are, inviting what we are to notice itself more clearly. The motivation here is truth and love, finding the truth of what we are, and acting on our inherent love for existence itself. (Said in a glib way, there is the love of truth, and also the truth of love.)

I am not practicing to get, compensate for, attain, or escape from anything. I am just practicing to find what is really true, and to act on and deepen my love for existence itself. (Aka God, Brahman, Tao, etc.)

The good news here is of course that the practices - the tools - we use in either case often are the same.

The Work, the Big Mind process, allowing/being with experience, exploring the sense fields, choiceless awareness practice, and many more practices, all work on the levels of who we are (inviting in healing and maturing) and what we are (inviting what we are to notice itself more clearly). The relative emphasis of the two depends somewhat on how we do the practice and our intention.

And even if we start with motivations at the who level (healing, maturing, release from suffering, fining happiness), it may shift (or not) into the motivations at the what level (truth and love).

So for myself, when I see motivations relating to healing and maturing - and reducing suffering and finding happiness, I know they are motivations at the who level. And when I find motivations of truth and love, I see that they belong to the what level.

This is quite different from what I see in most spiritual groups and traditions I am familiar with, and I am not sure if it is just a matter of preference or if I am missing something here.

For me, if I saw someone wanting healing/maturing, I would recommend finding increasing wholeness as who they are. That in itself gives a quite deep release from suffering, and invites in a stable happiness. It may not be “complete” but it is really quite good.

And if I saw someone with truth and love as their main motivation, I would point them in the direction of inviting what they are to notice itself. Of course also including the who level, since working on that level makes it easier for what we are to notice itself, it makes it easier for our human self to function in the world, and when what we are notices itself, it makes it easier for it to express itself more fluidly through our human self.

I would not promote a practice with the intention of what we are to notice itself, if what the person seeks is release from suffering, and happiness. It wouldn’t be honest, since a practice aimed at wholeness at the who level is more than sufficient for this.

Come to think about it, that may be why most Buddhist groups - although their “mission statement” is at what level awakening - often emphasize healing/maturing at the who level. Most people come from the motivation of seeking healing/maturing, and that is exactly what most groups and teachers emphasize.

For the few suckers (like me, it seems) who can’t help it and really want to find the truth and act on their love, there is always the additional teachings, and the additional work that invites what we are into noticing itself.

There are the few more steps beyond the healing/maturing at the who level.

Some flavors of doing it for myself…

If I investigate, I find that whatever I am doing, I am already doing it for myself.

If I don’t see it, and tell myself I am not doing it for myself, there can easily be various forms of unease and struggle, such as resentment, anger, jitteriness, hopelessness or fatigue.

I do something, tell myself I don’t want to do it (which is partly true), so get in conflict with myself and the word.

That is one flavor of doing it for myself. I already do it for myself, but don’t see it.

When I investigate, I find - as mentioned above - that I am already doing it for myself.

A simple way of noticing this is to first write down a have to statement, and then change it to a want statement. I have to pay taxes to avoid trouble > I want to pay taxes to avoid trouble. I find for myself that the latter is more honest and more true. (This one comes from Marshall Rosenberg.)

Another is to trace my motivation for what I am doing back to its seed. What do I hope to get from paying taxes? I get to avoid trouble, such as fines and prison. What do I hope to get out of avoiding trouble? I get to avoid suffering. What do I hope to get out of avoiding suffering? I hope to experience happiness. (Inquiry suggested by Adyashanti.)

Seeing this more clearly, I am not in struggle or conflict with myself anymore. I may choose to change my behavior, or not, but now from being more aligned with myself.

Finally, do it for myself can be a pointer.

I am doing something, it feels a little uncomfortable, and I notice it is because I try to live up to a certain image or impress someone. Doing it for myself is then a pointer to shift into consciously doing it for myself, not for others. And when this happens, there is a sense of comfort, wholeness, being home, and honesty.

I went swimming yesterday, and noticed that I felt a little rushed as I did my laps, there was a hint of discomfort there. I then saw a hint of a motivation of trying to impress others (as if anyone were interested!), remembered do it for myself, and immediately shifted into a deeper relaxation and sense of comfort. From the outside, there may not have been much of a shift, but my experience of it was quite different - and from there, my movements were more relaxed and effortless.

Again, what I am doing may or may not change, but my relationship to it changes.

Vince has a good post on ways teachers and traditions sometimes speak about enlightenment, and what types of dynamics it may set up in the group.

The verbal level is of course important, partly because it sets up maps people use to navigate by.

Yet, something else is as important: The tools we are given. First, to have an immediate taste of what we are. Then, to work with beliefs and stories directly, no matter what they are about.

The tools I am familiar with here are the ones I have written about many times before.

Some tools for inviting in a taste of enlightenment include headless experiments and the Big Mind process. These give a taste of what we are and ways to explore it for ourselves, although obviously not with the same clarity as a full blown awakening. Doing this can be helpful in letting go of some of the more exotic ideas about enlightenment. What we are is something that is quite simple, available to be noticed here now, and not really out there in others or the future.

And there are also good tools available to help us unravel beliefs and stories about enlightenment, teachers or anything else. The Work helps us explore the effects of beliefs, and find what is already more true for us. And exploring the sense fields helps us see thought as thought, and how an overlay of thought on each of the sense fields create gestalts. It also helps us find ourselves as what we are, outside of what any story tells us.

At least for me, having and using these tools - with some sincerity - is far more important than any models, mainly because they first help me explore the terrain for myself, and then because they help me unravel beliefs and attachments to any story and identity.

Also, any model can become a belief, an identification with a story. So it is helpful to work with any model we are presented with - or come up with on our own - in this way, no matter how accurate it appears to be. In a conventional sense, some models are more accurate, meaning they have more practical value. But really, all models are equally far away from what they appear to be about.

I also see that I personally prefer practices aligned with awakening, but with an emphasis on the practical and day to day aspects of it. So in that sense, I would be more in the “no need to talk about it too much” camp. (Although I obviously explore it quite a bit here, but that is on my own.)

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Conditioning - like “ego” and “mind” is one of those words that are sometimes used in ways that confuse rather than clarify.

When I look at it for myself, I find that it can be quite simple.

To me, conditioning refers to habitual patterns created from infinite causes from within and outside of the particular holon (whole/part) we are looking at.

So it is pretty clear that the vast majority of conditioning is very useful. In terms of the conditioning of our human self, we find conditioning in just about any activity we engage in, from language to knowing how to eat and walk. Conditioning makes it possible for our human self to function in the world. Without it, we would be a vegetable, although since even our biological functioning is conditioned, we wouldn’t even be alive or exist.

In the bigger picture, we see that the typical conditioning of all our ancestors - to stay alive and procreate - was also necessary to our existence as a human self. And the conditioning of this universe - its habitual patterns and “laws” - is needed for this galaxy, solar system, planet and a living planet to exist.

So the first thing I see is that from a conventional view point, conditioning is not bad at at all. It is what allows for my human self, and this living planet, to be around. And looking a little further, I see that it is not bad or good in itself, it is neutral. It just is.

So when different teachers talk about conditioning, and make it sound as something slightly sinister, what are they really talking about?

Of all the innumerable forms of conditioning, it seems that they are talking about two subsets of conditioning.

The main one is our habitual tendency to take stories as true. This automatically creates a sense of I and Other, which in turn fuels a sense of drama and unease. This is not bad either, it is only uncomfortable. And it comes from lack of clarity.

And the second subset of conditioning comes from the first one. From belief in stories, and a sense of I and Other, a whole set of other forms of conditioning is created. Mainly the habitual tendencies of a rigid view, an ambivalent heart, reactive emotions, and whatever behaviors comes out of those.

The tendency to take stories as true is what most spiritual practice is really aimed at, or rather - aimed at undermining. Practices such as inquiry, prayer, yoga, precepts and so on all invite us to see a little more clearly that thoughts are just thoughts, and notice a little more clearly what we really are - that which experience happens within, to and as.

The other thing spiritual practice is aimed at, which is mostly secondary and sometimes a byproduct of the first, is to invite our human self to reorganize. It invites the habitual patterns of a rigid view, a closed heart and reactive emotions to reorganize, and our human self to heal, mature and realign with what we really are - whether what we are notices itself clearly or not.

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Some of the things I notice when I do tong-len…

• It works with projections. Whatever I see over there - and especially shadow material - I find right here. I find in myself the suffering I more easily see in others. And I also find right here the causes of suffering, confusion and all its expressions.
• I see all of that as not or less personal. I see that it is shared, it is a part of human life. I also see that it is all an object, content of experience, coming and going on its own.
• There is a shift from a sense of I-Other split to a sense of us. We are all in the same boat here. We all experience confusion and its many effects.
• In the taking in of suffering and giving of clarity, there is a shift from confusion to clarity. I gradually get familiar with and come to trust that shift. I know, deeply, that it is possible. This helps me remember in daily life, and invite it in.
• There is an opening of the heart towards others and myself. A shift into kindness. Holding us all, including my own human self, in kindness.
• There is a shift into a sense of nurturing fullness, and out of reactiveness.
• There is a shift into a more receptive view, and out of rigidity.
• There is a release of identification with content, and an easier shift into finding myself as Big Mind/Heart. I see content as shared and coming and going on its, and there is less of a sense of a separate I.
• There is a shift into more engagement in daily life. There is a release from fear. Less sense of separation. A shift into kindness. And all of this is naturally expressed in engagement.

Why do precepts practice? I can find three reasons for myself.

First, in a conventional sense, following moral guidelines makes it easier for ourselves and others. It creates a more humane and civilized society, reducing suffering and freeing up energy for more than just survival. At an individual level, it keeps us out of trouble in the world and with ourselves.

Then, it mimics what happens when what we are awakens to itself, and functions through a relatively healthy and mature human self. This helps reorganize our human self, and also prepare the ground for that shift.

Finally, it helps us notice when we are not aligned with the precepts, and inquire into why. It helps us see where we attach to stories as true and some of the dynamics around it. What do I hope to get out of clinging to this story? What actually happens? Who would I be without it? Is there validity in its reversals?

Spiritual practice is a process of reinventing the wheel, in two ways.

First, because insights and practices tends to come up that duplicates those of different traditions, whether we are aware of those traditions or not. It is, after all, the same dynamics and patterns we are working with. The same dynamics and patterns of healing and awakening. Of knots, beliefs, wounds, and mechanisms of samsara.

Then, more importantly, we are reinventing the wheel because the insights and practices has to become real here, whether they appear to come up here first, or out there first (as a pointer/practice from a tradition or teacher).

So either way, spiritual practice is a process of reinventing the wheel. Each time, it is a wheel, similar to any other wheel. And each time, it is a fresh wheel, slightly different from any other wheel. After all, any experience is unique and different, even if a thought tells us its content is very similar to something that happened before. God never repeat itself.

Here is a simple way to work with projections as it happens in daily life, which I sometimes find useful.

I notice something, often in others, and I can ask myself what it is to clarify it for myself. It can be anything: a mood, attitude, quality, emotion, story.

And then I ask myself, somebody is […], is it me?

Somebody is… [bored, angry, jittery, interested, afraid, oblivious, frustrated, distressed, insightful, ignorant, resourceful, lazy, rigid, exited, joyful.] Is it me?

It helps me see that I am the one experiencing it, here and now. It helps me own it, if we want to use that language.

And it helps me see that all I know is that I experience it. I may have it as a question about someone else, something they may or may not agree with if I ask them, but all I know for sure is that I am experiencing it right now.

It also helps me see my tendency to sometimes tell myself, somebody is …., it can’t be me, so it must be someone else. And then ask myself this question and see if I can find it.

Finally, it may be helpful to see that this can show up in two ways. First, as who I am, as this human self, I can find it in myself. I can own it. And this is the practical, everyday way of taking it. Then, as what I am, as awakeness, it is just happening. It is living its own life, on its own schedule, as anything else. It is just happening on its own. This is the practice side of it.

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It is interesting to notice some of the many ways different practices support each other. Here are a small taste, as a skeleton list. As usual, these are all questions, not to be taken very seriously.

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It is common in Zen to say that shikantaza - just sitting, choiceless awareness - is not practice.

We are not practicing in preparation for anything, or to get somewhere. Shikantaza itself is the real thing. It is what we are noticing itself.

It is awakeness noticing itself. This timeless now within, to and as which everything happens.

In that sense, shikantaza is not a practice.

Yet there is also a practice element in shikantaza, which shows up in two ways.

First, it is the practice of shifting into what we are noticing itself.

Attention is absorbed on the inside of thoughts, it is noticed, and there is a shift back into just sitting. This practice happens on the cushion, often several times during a sitting period.

And this practice on the cushion is also a practice for daily life. We practice shifting into what we are noticing itself on the cushion, and then bring it into daily life.

I have enjoyed exploring sense fields for a little while now, and appreciate how simple and practical it is. A great tool for exploring some of the basics such as what arises in each sense field, how thoughts and the other sense fields combine to create appearances, and the dynamics that makes these appearances seem very real and substantial.

As always, what I write here are questions rather than statements, even if the question marks may be missing.

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A good post from Vince about taking responsibility.

A few things coming up for me, as usual in a quick skeleton version:

First, in a very practical sense, a few of the things we can take responsibility for:

• Inviting in healing, maturing and development of this human self. Exploring who we are.
• How we relate to what is happening, in the wider world and for our human self.
• The long-term & far-reaching social/ecological effects of the actions of this human self. (By noticing feedback, and learning about sustainability and socially responsible choices.)
• Noticing what we are.

Then some of the dynamics behind it:

• When we take ourselves to be an I with an Other, there is automatically a sense of lack, of being a victim of the wider world, and of neediness.
• The more we embrace the evolving wholeness of who we are, as a human being, the less sense of lack, being a victim, and of neediness. (The less projections.)
• Even then, as long as there is that basic sense of an I with an Other, there will continue to be a sense of something missing, and at least traces of being a victim and neediness.

Some practical ways of working with it:

• Notice when I am not taking responsibility by its signs, which are the signs of projections in general: Blame. Judgment. Escape. Reactiveness. Tension. Stress.
• Take responsibility for fully allowing experience. (Release identification out of resistance, running/pushing away)
• Take responsibility for my stories, investigate, find clarity.

And finally, what appears as victim mode and neediness is really just confusion. And what appears as responsibility (when it is not an imitation, acting from a “should”) comes from simple clarity.

A sometimes useful tool in embracing our wholeness as who we are, and discovering what we are, is to fake it.

We can visualize ourselves as someone mature and awakened, whomever that may be for us. Our teacher. Buddha. Christ. A dream figure. In this way, we connect with the qualities we see in these, and find them in ourselves. We invite these qualities to come alive, see them in someone else, and then find them right here, in ourselves and our own life.

In daily life, we can imagine how a mature and/or awakened person would respond, and then imitate it. If I was such as person, how would I act?

Most practices are done in an approximate way, at least in the beginning. We do approximate shikantaza. Approximate stability practice. Here too, we fake it, do it as best as we can, until it falls more into place.

And in noticing what we are, we can use practices such as headless experiments and the Big Mind process to get a taste of it. Even if it feels fake at first, it is a pointer to the real thing. It helps us reorganize within it at our human level, and it guides us in noticing it more clearly.

Faking it is a great tool, especially when we are clear that we are faking it, until it falls more into place.

Another dimension of practice is whether we emphasize the universal or the specific.

Do we emphasize the universal, that which is valid for everyone at any time? I tend to gravitate towards these tools, such as The Work, headless experiments and the Big Mind process.

Or do we emphasize that which is specific to where someone is in the process of discovering who they are as a human self, or what they are as that which experience happens within, to and as?

There are benefits and drawbacks to each.

If we emphasize the universal, it has the obvious benefits of being inclusive, accessible, and offering pointers and tools we can use at any point in the process of discovering who and what we are. It helps us see that we all are in the same boat. It makes it relatively simple for us.

The drawback is that people sometimes needs pointers and tools specific to where they are, it may be easy to think we are somewhere in the process we are not (mistaking a glimpse for a stable noticing, or unity for nondual), and there can be a lack of differentiation and clarity about the dynamics of the process as it unfolds over time.

If we emphasize that which is specific to where people are, it has the obvious benefit of being tailored (if skillfully done), it helps people see where they are in the overall process, and it can help differentiate the different states and stages.

The drawbacks include ignoring or overlooking the universal, getting caught up in maps, and getting caught up in competitiveness.

In practice, of course, both are usually included. If we emphasize the universal, it is usually presented in a way tailored to and specific to where someone is, and a good teacher will know from experience what is helpful. If we emphasize the specific, it is often placed in the context of the universal, in terms of what is universally valid for anyone and any time, and the universality of how the process unfolds over time.

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Yet another dimension of practice is exploring on the inside and outside of stories.

Again, if we over-simplify, we can find benefits and drawbacks for each.

Working on the inside of stories tends to help who we are directly. It helps reorganize the stories it uses to navigate in the world, and also the stories it uses for exploring who and what it really is. But if this is all we do, it can also just reinforce the tendency to identify with stories, to go to stories for the ultimate answers, and to - inadvertently - confuse the map with the terrain.

Working on the outside of stories helps us see thoughts as thoughts, see what arises in each sense field here and now, and how thoughts combine with them to create gestalts, and much more. It gives us an immediate insight into what we are, and what is going on, which is outside of thought. Of course, the exploration is guided by thought, and later reflected in thought, but the exploration itself is outside of thought. (At least discursive thought, and as we get more familiar with it, outside the layers of thought that creates a sense of continuity and extent, and I with an Other.)

Together, we can find that our exploration within thought - of maps, guidelines for life and practice, finding the truth in reversals of our habitual stories and so on - helps our human self, and also in guiding our practice outside of thought. Our explorations outside of thought helps us see thoughts as thoughts, with relative truth only, each one a question more than a statement, and with value only as temporary guides for our human self. And this exploration outside of stories also helps us notice what we are, which in turn reorganizes our human self, and relieves it of the burden of taking itself as the end station of what it really is, and having an I with an Other.

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We can practice alone or with others.

If we stay with just one or the other, we miss out of something.

If we only practice on our own, we miss out of the support from others on the same or a similar path. We miss out of the inspiration and course corrections offered by a community of fellow explorers.

If we only practice with others, we miss out on checking out how this works when we are on our own. Am I dependent on the community to practice and to bring it into my life? How does it look when I am on my own, and in other situations?

Yet if we do both, we can benefit from the best of each. We get the moral and informational support from a group of fellow practitioners. And we get to test it out on our own, alone, in different settings.

Our explorations can be self- or other-powered at the different levels of who and what we are.

If we stay exclusively self-powered, it may fuel arrogance and a belief in having to do it all ourselves. And we don’t notice all the ways it is already other-powered. All practices happening here has infinite causes, stretching back to the beginning of time and the far reaches of space.

If we stay exclusively other powered, we don’t make it our own. We don’t get to experience how it is to do the work ourselves, and walk the path through our own efforts.

Tempered by each other, we can benefit from the best of each. We get to make it our own, through our own efforts, and we get to benefit from what is given to us, as a kick-start or a glimpse of what is possible.

For instance, at the physical level, we can benefit from other power through massage and different healing modalities. And we can do our own work through exercise, diet, yoga and so on.

And in terms of awakening, we can benefit from shaktipat, an energy transmission (diksha and much else) that initiate and fuel an awakening process. And we get to make it our own through exploring the new terrain that opens up for us, or if it was a glimpse, it is then a reminder of what is possible if we do our own work.

There is probably no end to the dimensions of practice that can be explored this way. Another one is the dimension of inner and outer teacher.

Again, when stuck in one of the other, the drawbacks of each tends to surface.

If we rely exclusively on an inner teacher, we can easily lose our way. We don’t benefit from the advice and experience of someone who is familiar with the terrain from their own explorations.

If we rely exclusively on an outer teacher, it too easily stays abstract for us. It can stay at the word level. Or even when we do our own practice, we may not fully trust our own experience. We always check it with what we have heard or read.

When tempered by each other, we can benefit from the guidance of an outer teacher, and we can also make it our own through our own experience. We may even discover something outside of the familiarity of any particular teacher.

Another important dimension of practice is who and what we are. Do we practice to help who we are, this human self? Or do we practice to notice what we are?

Again, if we are stuck in one or the other, the drawbacks of each tends to come to the foreground.

If we only focus on who we are, this human self, we can work on it until we die and never find complete satisfaction. There will always be a sense of something missing. We never get to see what we really are, and we know, somewhere, that we are missing out of that.

If we only focus on what we are, discovering ourselves as Big Mind, we can too easily ignore who we are. The wounds of our human self may stay around and wreak havoc with its life in the world, and even with the project of discovering what we are. We may also end up discouraged, feeling we are wasting our time on something that is not working for us.

Yet, tempered by each other, we can see each in a more realistic perspective.

We find that exploring who we are offers a new sense of wholeness to our human self, a wider embrace of all of what it is, and a richer life in the world. At the same time, we know it won’t give us any ultimate answers or satisfaction.

Exploring what we are becomes something we do for its own sake, not for any imagined benefit in our human life. When I look, what do I find? Am I content of experience, specifically this human self? Am I that which this content happens within, to and as?

And in terms of tools, it may be helpful to emphasize those that work on both areas. The ones that makes it easier to be this human self in the world, and also invites what we are to notice itself.

Some tools work about equally at both areas, including The Work, the Big Mind process, and allowing/being with experience.

Others work mainly at the what question, although helps who we are as well, such as headless experiments and exploring sense fields.

Stability practice makes it easier to do any of the other practices, and also any activity in daily life.

And some practices at the who level not only helps who we are directly, but often also makes it easier to do any of the other practices, such as psychological and relationship work, and physical exercise.

Of the many dimensions of practice, goal orientation and exploration orientation is one of the most obvious one. Do we have a particular goal in mind? Or do we practice to explore the terrain?

If we are stuck in either goal orientation or exploration orientation, the drawbacks of each tends to come up to the foreground.

The goal orientation becomes future orientation, competitiveness, arrogance, missing out of what is here now. We don’t see that everything we take to be out there, in the future or in others, is right here now.

Similarly, the exploration orientation easily becomes a lazy and aimless wandering.

But tempered by each other, we find that goal orientation offers a sense of direction and focus, and also measuring sticks. And exploration orientation offers a sense of adventure, receptivity, not knowing, exploring new parts of the terrain, enjoying the here and now, finding here and now what we may otherwise see out there - in the future, past, others.

I have caught one of the popular germs going around these days, so have had an opportunity to explore how to work with the symptoms. (In this case of bronchitis.)

My main exploration has been in finding the strongest symptoms (headache, chest pain, fuzzy/muddled mind, fatigue, persistent cough), explore it in the sensation field, and notice what it is made of. Is it solid? Awareness itself? Nothing taking the form of something?

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Any tool is fair game, as long as it works and seems appropriate to the situation.

Many nondual folks are familiar with contemplative prayer, visualizations, heart prayer, Christ meditation and similar forms on prayer where a receptivity to and invitation in of the soul level is the main emphasis, possibly shifting into realized selflessness in glimpses or more thoroughly.

The more common forms of prayer, those where we ask about something specific, also have their place. They are a part of any comprehensive toolbox. They can be used as in Buddhism, to ask for awakening for the benefit of all beings. This sets a clear intention, which in turn helps reorganize and align our human self with this path and may even have effects beyond that.

And of course, prayers for the health and well-being of ourselves and others have their place. Again, they help realign ourselves with that intention. And it opens our heart. It opens for a sincere well-wishing for ourselves and others. And both of those spill over into our actions.

As with visualizations, these forms of prayer may (or may not) have an effect beyond how it works on us, in how the world shows up on its own.

In either case, the effect it has on us is more than enough reason to sometimes engage in them.

They set a clear intention for ourselves. They help realign us with that intention. They open our heart. They open for sincere well-wishing for ourselves and others.

And sometimes, especially in extreme situations, they may be comforting if that is what we need.

(And if not, if we are invited into being wholeheartedly with what is coming up and we use these forms of prayers as an escape, they - and anything else we do to try to escape - are likely to not work.)

For a few years in my life, there was what I came to call “instant karma”. I would go into judgment about someone, fueling a sense of being right and a separate I, and then, days, hours or often minutes later, I would find myself in the same position as the one I had judged, sometimes in a quite literal way. It was a great way of learning, and very humbling.

It is always true that I am what I see in others, but it is not always so easy to notice. It may happen in a quite different form and area of life. So when it happens in a more literal way, it is harder to overlook. (That more literal form can be experienced as another flavor of synchronicity.)

Over the last year or so, I have had some stories going about people making noise during sitting practice, especially since I am used to the relative quietness of the Zen zendo, and have been going to more adveita type groups who tend to be less strict in their meditation instructions. (In Zen, sitting still and not making a sound is a pretty standard guideline, and the monitor will often remind folks if they don’t follow it, sometimes by a loud shout.)

So yesterday, when I finally did a mini sesshin (Zen retreat), I found myself as the by far most noisy one. I have brewed on a germ for several days, and the main symptom is a persistent and unstoppable dry cough. I coughed and swallowed incessantly, and on top of it all had a very growly stomach at times. (The swallowing and talkative stomach from sucking on Fisherman’s Friends to alleviate the couching.)

I found myself in the exact role I had judged others for being in, and was helpless in changing it. All I could do was to find some peace with it, and allow it to work on me. To wear down old habits, soften me, to wear down and expand my identity as someone who is quiet and follows strict zendo guidelines. To feel it, take it in.

It also helped me take another look at noisy folks in the zendo. For seasoned practitioners, it either doesn’t matter or is actually a benefit. Any sound just become part of what is happening, and I also find that sharp sounds, such as a cough, helps me stay alert and awake. And if it is annoying, that too becomes part of the practice. It is just part of what is arising.

Or we can take a closer look at it. What happens when there is an experience of being annoyed? What happens if I resist the experience, try to push it away? What happens if I fully allow it, as it is? And what is annoyance? Where do I find it? Do I find it outside of a sensation and a story about that sensation? If annoyance is part of the content of experience, coming and going as any other content of experience, what it is that does not come and go? And what am I?

But for beginners, it may be different. For them, it may just be distracting.

I only worked with koans for a short time, and was pretty slow, but here are just a few things I noticed about them in general.

To put it roughly, koans work from the absolute and the relative sides, with Big Mind and our human self, and how Big Mind/Heart can be expressed through our human self.

Each koan has a different emphasis and focus, similar to a prism filtering light so we can explore the different aspects of it more closely. And each koan has a specific and unique resolution, which becomes obvious when it is seen, and something to work with in terms of bringing it into daily life.

Koans invite what we are to notice itself. After a while, thoughts tend to exhaust themselves, inviting in a release of identification from thoughts. And the resolution to the koan can often only be found from the Big Mind/Heart side, from shifting into and finding ourselves as Big Mind/Heart.

They invite in specific insights into what and who we are, through emphasizing specific aspects of Big Mind/Heart and how it can be expressed through our human self.

And they invite us to explore, through our daily life and in specific ways, how what we are can be expressed through who we are. (When I worked with koans, my daily life was often infused with the koan, there was no separation between working on it on the cushion or through daily life. And as it clarified, there was a curiosity about how to express it, live it, in daily life.)

This is one of the many things about Zen I appreciate. It is very much focused on what we are noticing itself. But it is no less focused on how it is lived through this human life, in a healthy, mature, thorough and skillful way.

This is another of those topics that seem so simple and childish on the surface, but goes to the core of our life and who or what we take ourselves to be. (I seem to specialize in those…!)

Any story is a tool. One that helps our human self orient and function in the world, or as a guide to awakening. And as any other tool, it has no value beyond the practical.

It is easy to see when we look at physical tools, like a hammer, or nails. We see that they have a purely practical function. They help us in daily life. And they have no value beyond that. If they didn’t help us, we wouldn’t use them or even bring attention to them.

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