I am reading in a couple of books by Tim Freke and Peter Gandy on gnostic Christianity, where the basic message is that the Jesus story is a teaching story, a reflection of our own path, a reflection of who and what we really are.

On the bus this afternoon, as I was exploring this for myself, a woman in front of me turned around and asked with great sincerity are you Jesus?

I laughed and said “no” with the message that the conversation was over right there, although she continued with a few questions.

Of course, according to gnostic Christianity, I am Jesus. We all are. The Jesus story mirrors each one of us.

What happened is also another example of living the dream. In this case, the dream of having people showing up at my door expecting me to be able to help them, and me just brushing them off and wanting them to go away.

In the case of the woman on the bus, I could have mentioned that whatever you see in Jesus are qualities you can find in yourself. It would be true, and maybe invited her to explore it for herself. In any case, it would be more friendly than a simple “no” followed by nothing.

I am living that dream in other situations too. What happened on the bus is far from the only time a stranger comes up to me expecting me to have some special insights, and I tend to respond the same way as in the dream, brushing them off.

I did a brief exploration of the shadow of the Buddhist precepts a few days ago, and it turned out that this was one of the topics of Arny Mindell’s class earlier today.

We each have our personal ethics, whether we are aware of it or not. And as he hinted at, it is meant for ourselves. If we don’t pick it up, it is still around, but we assume it is for others. It is the classic it happens, it can’t be for me, so it must be for everyone else.

Then he talked about the denier of the ethics, both our inner denier and those in groups who take on the role of the denier. This is the voice that asks why, how, when? The voice that criticize and question the ethical guidelines.

How do we relate to this denier? Do we squash it? Disown it? Listen to it? Find the validity of what it has to say? Find a perspective that hold the truth in the initial ethics and the view of the denier? Refine our ethics?

The voice of the denier is essential. It helps us see our ethics, question it, refine it, explore the larger landscape, and much more. It also helps us not get trapped in the shadow of the ethics, disowning in ourselves whatever doesn’t fit with our personal ethics, whether we are conscious of this ethic or not.

One way of exploring this is by noticing our personal ethics as it shows up in daily life, explore the views that criticize it, and then find ourselves as that which holds both. (Process Work has exercises that makes this come alive, and also helps us find our deeper ethics, the ones just emerging, the ones not quite conscious yet.)

Another way is to explore the reversals of our ethics, as I did with the Buddhist precepts. What is the grain of truth in them? In what ways are they sometimes better? What is the gold in these reversals?

What is the gold in the shadow of our ethics?

Yesterday, I listened to music while doing a sense field practice, exploring specifically how thoughts creates a sense of continuity. And as I did so, I noticed the lyrics I listened to:

Only this moment (Holds us together)

Which is a perfect reflection of what I was exploring. Only this moment holds it all together. Past and future, continuity, time, it all happens right here now. Thoughts happening here now is what holds it all together.

Only this moment holds it all together.

Röyksopp: Only This Moment from The Understanding.

There are many types and flavors of synchronicities, and more recently, a particular flavor has been coming up, one where something comes up in my mind and then in the wider world short after.

Today was a good example. My partner and I joined a wildflower hike through the university, and close to the peak I mentioned to her (for the first time this year) that we could take a look at the summer schedule for another local outdoors group. Maybe we could join some of their outings as well.

About half a minute later, a group of people came towards us on the path, and when we asked them which group there were with, they turned out to be from the specific group I had mentioned just before.

It was maybe not the most remarkable coincidence, since both groups have outings every weekend this time of year (although the timing and geography of it was more of a coincidence, since both groups have outings across a whole state and this was a relatively obscure little mountain).

But it is part of a pattern of these types of synchronicities happening daily for me, in various ways.

For instance yesterday, I suggested to my partner that we go and sit with a local Zen group this week, and when I checked email a couple of minutes later, I had received one through Zaadz from someone I haven’t met yet, but who is with that particular group. (This is a group we haven’t gone to for at least a year).

(more…)

I notice an intimacy of the inner and outer in two ways…

First, the intimacy of no separation, of a seamless field of the inner and outer. This is what already and always is, and what we notice through headless experiments, the Big Mind process, or more spontaneously. There is this field of wakefulness spanning that which is inside and outside of this human self. A tapestry, of which this human self is one strand.

Then, the intimacy of synchronicity, of the outer mirroring the inner in its content. Of dreams and whatever else may be surfacing from the inner, reflected in music, words, situations in the outer, in details and very specific ways.

And it seems that the two go together. An awakening of the intimacy of no separation seems to bring about the intimacy of synchronicity, and the other way around.

Here are some things that seem typical in an awakening process. At least one that goes from identification with our human self to realized selflessness, or F5 through to nondual in Ken Wilber’s framework.

Here is a somewhat rambling and unsystematic overview of what comes to mind…

Wholeness of psyche/body

A sense of wholeness of our human self, beyond and including what we abstract out as psyche and body. This is the F6 or centaur level in KW’s framework, and is typically included in further awakenings.

Sense of intimacy with the world, no separation

As there is an immediate experience of the wholeness of our human self, there is also a sense of the wholeness of the rest of the world of phenomena. At the same time, the boundary between our human self and the rest of the world of phenomena appears more transparent. There is a growing sense of intimacy with anything arising in the outer world. There may be an intuition or sense that the boundary was only a mental construct in the first place. This is the nature mysticism, or F7, level in KW’s framework.

At this phase, the center of gravity is shifting out of our human self and more into the seeing itself, into consciousness.

As the center of gravity shifts more into the seeing, into witness, pure awareness, this sense of intimacy with the world of phenomena, and of no separation, becomes stronger. The boundaries within the world of phenomena is more clearly seen as superimposed and mere abstractions. And there is also as sense of the apparent split between seeing and seen as an overlay of abstractions, as not inherent in the seeing/seen.

Sense of all as sacred, Spirit, God, Buddha Mind, Divine Mind

As the center of gravity shifts into seeing, into awareness, there is a growing sense of all phenomena as sacred, as Spirit. There is a sense of the seen as no different from the seeing, and it is all the play of the Divine Mind. This is the deity mysticism phase in KW’s framework. There is still a sense of I here, although now more placed on the seeing itself.

Sense of timelessness

As the center of gravity shifts into the seeing, into pure awareness, there is also a sense of timelessness. Pure awareness is timeless, and it can be tasted very clearly as awareness gradually becomes more aware of itself.

Time unfolds within awareness, not the other way around. Change unfolds within, and really as, that which is changeless - this seeing, this pure awareness, that is right here reading these words.

Time and change unfolds as before, although seen as secondary to the context of awareness as inherently timeless and changeless. The nature of awareness it timeless. It is the eternal now, the timeless present, within which and as all change happens.

Sense of spacelessness

At the same time, there is also a growing sense of spacelessness. The world of phenomena seem 2D in a way. There is a sense of no distance. There is a sense or intuition of everything arising as awareness, or consciousness, itself, as arising from the same Ground, and in this - there is no distance, no separation, no space.

Within this sense of spacelessness, conventional space and distance unfolds as before, although seen as secondary to the spacelessness. Spacelessness is in the foreground, conventional space is in the background. Spacelessness is the context of conventional space, which is seen as not different from spacelessness, it is made up of spacelessness.

World of phenomena as a field

Again, as the center of gravity shifts into seeing, into pure awareness, the world of phenomena is seen as a seamless field. This human self is just a part of the landscape of what is arising in the eternal now.

The boundaries between this human self and the rest of phenomena arising, is more and more clearly revealed as superimposed, as a mental construct. It seemed real when the center of gravity was in this human self, but now, as the center of gravity is in seeing itself, the boundary has a sense of transparency and lack of reality about it.

Everything happening on its own, living its own life

As the center of gravity shifts from the world of phenomena, in the form of this human self, and into the seeing, there is also a gradual release of any sense of doer.

First, there is the noticing of sounds, tastes and smells, sensations and thoughts as just happening on their own, they seem to live their own life.

Then, and more shockingly, there is the growing realization that this human self - including its choices and behaviors, is just happening on its own. That too is just living its own life. The sense of doer is retracted from this human self, and seen as another superimposed mental construct.

No doer

The sense of no doer grows. First, it may be seen in sights, smells/tastes, sensations and thoughts coming and going on their own, living their own life. Then, there may be a growing sense or intuition that this is also true for this human self, for the choices and behaviors it engages in.

As the center of gravity shifts into pure seeing, witnessing of this human self, it becomes more and more clear that it is just doing things on its own. There is no I there to make anything happen, it happens on its own. There is no doer there to do anything, the doing happens on its own.

This can be unsettling at first. Will it survive on its own, with no I or doer there to take care of it? Then, there is the realization that it has survived fine so far, and there has never been an I or doer there in the first place.

In the awakening to selflessness, in Ground awakening to its own nature as seer and seen with no I anywhere, this becomes clear. Any lingering doubts fall away. This human self, as any other phenomena, has always functioned without an I, without any doer.

Unless, of course, you see consciousness itself - the Ground as emptiness and phenomena, as seeing and seen - as the doer. The doer with no I anywhere.

World of phenomena as space, emptiness, awareness, consciousness

While the center of gravity is in the seeing, in pure awareness, there is a growing realization that what is seen does not appear so different from the seeing itself. There is a growing sense of the content of awareness as awareness itself.

And although it is the awareness functioning through a human self, it does not seem to be human awareness. It is the Divine Mind which this whole universe arises within, and which is seeing itself right here now.

Along with this, there may be a sense of realization of this human self, and indeed all phenomena, really being space or emptiness. They themselves are this aware space.

The seen and the seeing both arises from this Ground, which is aware emptiness. And this is an immediate realization.

One Taste

As part of all this, there is also a growing sense of One Taste. Whatever happens is recognized as Ground temporarily taking a particular form.

First, this may be tasted in glimpses. Then, there may be a growing undercurrent of this sense. And in the awakening of selflessness, it is clearly revealed as always and everywhere being this way.

Reversals

Along with all of this are various forms of reversals.

When center of gravity was in this human self, awareness seemed within this human self. Now, as the center of gravity shifts into pure seeing and is eventually released as Ground, this human self is seen as arising within awareness, within and as Divine Mind, within and as Ground.

Similarly, early tastes of timelessness seemed to appear within time. Now, time arises within and as the timeless, this timeless awareness, this eternal now.

Tastes of spacelessness seemed to appear within space. Now, space arises within and as spacelessness.

Earlier, things seemed to happen to me, as a human being. Now, everything seems to happen for me, as an invitation for awakening and clarification.

And maybe most shockingly of all: Earlier, there was a sense of an I - variously placed on this human self, pure awareness, and maybe other things. Now, everything arises with no I anywhere. In and beyond the seeing and the seen, there is no I anywhere to be found.

And other aspects…

Synchronicities

Synchronicities, meaningful a-causal coincidences, seem to occur (or at least be noticed) more frequently as this awakening process unfolds.

During the initial awakening in my teens, my days were filled with meaningful coincidences occurring - surprising, unexpected and noticeable enough so even others remarked on it frequently.

Energy shifts and reorganizations

In any awakening, there seems to be a good deal of energy shifts and reorganizations. This human self, and its energy aspects, needs to reorganize within and realign with the new contexts it is operating within.

First, this is the context of center of gravity in pure awareness. Then, the context of realized selflessness, of Ground awakening.

Since it happens within space and time, it takes time…! It takes a long time or a short time, and it can be dramatic and very noticeable if it happens fast and/or there is a lot of realigning needed, or less dramatic and less noticeable if it happens slower and/or less realigning is needed.

Again, in the initial awakening in my teens, this realigning was quite dramatic, and it took a while as well (months and years). It seemed to mostly take place during sleep.

Hidden psychological material (including shadow) emerging to be seen

Psychological material emerges, especially those aspects that have been repressed and denied in various ways. It comes up and all seems to want is to be seen, to be recognized, acknowledged - through the simple seeing of it. No drama is needed. It just needs to surface. These aspects seem to be like children who needs to be let in to the warmth for a while, until they heal, mature and are ready to move on.

It can be dramatic. It can be unpleasant. If it is resisted, there is more drama and unpleasantness. And if it is resisted less, if there is just the seeing of it with no added drama, just the being with it, then it can be less dramatic and less unpleasant.

It can even be quite interesting: here are all these things I didn’t even know was here, and now they are surfacing. They, as everything else, come to pass, not to stay, as Byron Katie puts it.

There are innumerable synchronicities daily these days, which is apparently one of the common side-effects of diksha (and was also common during my initial awakening).

There are maybe two especially memorable from the last week.

Coming from essence

One was the dream where someone told me that she liked it better when I come from essence, and then somebody in my waking life telling me the same just half an hour after waking up - without having been told about the dream, and without us having talked about essence before. (Essence is a word I rarely use, so I was surprised when it came up in the dream.)

Reeking of alcohol

Another is from my plane ride from Portland to Oakland, where I listened to the New Year’s Cleanse 2005/06 with Byron Katie.

As we approached Oakland, I listened to a dialogue where she and someone else role played a drunk client coming into a counseling session. Katie, as the counselor, asked the client if he had been drinking, she said no, and she said something along the lines of “that is funny - I smell alcohol, there is only the two of us here, and I have not been drinking”.

As I listened to this, a reaction came up in me having to do with being accused of doing something I haven’t done, based on just such circumstantial evidence - it happened several times as a kid.

And as I got up from my seat to get my duffel bag out from the overhead compartment, I noticed a pool of liquid in the compartment. It turned out to be alcohol, probably from a broken bottle in another bag, and my duffel bag and its content of clothing, smelled strongly of liquor.

As I made my way from the airplane to picking up my suit case, and taking the bus and BART to where I was staying, I reeked pretty strongly of liquor. Just as the client coming into the counselor’s office, and innocent of having been drinking - just as in my story about it.

Synchronicities and stories

Synchronicities just are, of course, and we place stories on top of it.

One of the stories is that Existence is a seamless whole, so no wonder there are synchronicities. If Existence is similar to an ocean, then synchronicities are just the various expressions of movements within this ocean - expressed in the various situations in our lives.

For me, they are a reminder of this seamless whole. And they may also invite me to bring attention to something in particular, just as dreams do.

In my case, it helped me pay more attention to essence, to the point of reading Almaas’ book on essence. And also see my pattern of reactiveness about being innocently accused of something, which I can take to inquiry.

As we drove from the movie theater to a Breema class, I mentioned that I want to talk with Joel at the Center for Sacred Sciences soon.

I have a sense that there is a relatively clear insight into “no I” but something is missing, and it is most likely the energy, clarity, stability and surrender that comes from a regular sitting practice.

I do mostly inquiries right now, and only sporadic sitting practice. The realization is there, but shifts and moves and is somewhat blurred. And another clear problem is the desire for “pushing through” that has come up over the last couple of weeks, instead of focusing on the practice and what is right now.

Talking with Joel may give me some more clarity about all this, and may also help fine tune my current practice.

As I briefly mentioned this, and also said that “well, maybe it is not so important - it can wait”, we passed a big sign saying “Joel’s” and just below “Hurry!” (and then something about a limited time offer).

This, and my partner’s excitement about this synchronicity, was just enough to tip it over for me, deciding to actually give him a call to set up an appointment. It can’t hurt.

Over the last week or so, the name Wei Wu Wei has shown up “everywhere” for me. He has not been on my radar until now, so it is definetely noticeable and I take it as a nudge to explore his writings some.

He certainly have a way with pithy statements:

Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9 percent Of everything you do Is for yourself - And there isn’t one.

We do not possess an “ego.” We are possessed by the idea of one.

Experiencing life from “ego” is akin to sitting center stage at Carnegie Hall, eyes closed, listening to the performance through the headset of a pocket radio.

True humility is the absence of anyone to be proud.

There are synchronocities everywhere.

From our human perspective, they are always notable, amazing and surprising. From the view of the largest whole, they are just what movements within this larger whole looks like from the view of the parts. They are merely movements within this larger whole, expressed through our human lives and the larger whole we are parts of.

A couple of days ago, I spent some hours at a university library reading here and there in transpersonal psychology journals, books on Zen and Christianity, and some of Ken Wilber’s essays in his collected works. I walked quickly through a section of the library to find a chair. And I simultaneously appreciated the tremendously important work Ken Wilber is doing, and also realized that - although I have a similar general orientation and insights - I will never be able to contribute at the level of clarity, detail, research and synthesis that he is. And of course the thought came up that maybe I am not good enough, or what I am doing is not good enough (whatever that may mean). A moment later, my eyes caught the spine of one of the thousands of books, with the name of the author: Goodenough.

And that is of course true. We are all good enough from a certain view. We are all complete, we all perfectly manifest Buddha Mind and God. And the other side is also true, that there is still much work to do and a continuous process of evolution and development.