I keep exploring the nature of thoughts, seeing thoughts as thoughts, their insubstantial and fleeting nature, how they mimic the five sensory fields (sight, sound, smell, taste, sensations), and how - when attention goes into their content and, crucially, take them as real - a whole world is created. A world that, since it is taken as real, appears as real, and create consequences in our experiences as if it was real.

As usual, thoughts can be explored from their emptiness and form sides.

I can see thoughts as thoughts, in their insubstantial and fleeting nature and mimicking sensory fields. And I can investigate the content of these thoughts, revealing that they have only a relative and limited truth. In both cases, we see them more as they are, and the tendency to take them as real weakens.

I also had an opportunity to explore thoughts more… just noticing thoughts as thoughts, and leave it at that, without fueling them, without getting absorbed into their content.

And seeing all the many forms and levels of thoughts…

Seeing how thoughts mirror and mimic a sensory world... taking the form of each of the sense fields, such as sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, and are really nothing beyond that. Yet, when attention goes to their content, and there is a fascination with the thoughts, they create a whole world without or independent of sensory input.

And also, the levels of thoughts.

There are the thoughts which we are most familiar with… clear, well defined, explicit

Then, the ones which are more subtle and transparent. For instance, there is a sound, and then a subtle image of a plane hovers for a while. Or a sound, and then a subtle image of a person walking on gravel. This normally happens outside of where attention goes, but is clear when attention is brought to it. It is the mind labeling experience, usually slightly outside of attention.

Then the level of thoughts where they are more like bubbles forming but not quite bursting. They are like the beginnings of burps that don’t go anywhere. A murmuring outside of what can be clearly resolved, even when attention is brought to it (this may change as it is explored further).

And then a level of thoughts and stories that form our most unquestioned, and unnoticed, beliefs. The belief in continuity, in space and time, in a separate self, and so on.

These beliefs can be mirrored at a more everyday thought level and explored there, and a great deal of valuable insights can come from it. But that, in itself, does not necessarily touch the deeper layer of stories.

As Fred, one of the teachers at the CSS retreat, said: our conscious thinking cannot create or prevent awakening. It has nothing to do with it.

There is a glimpse of this level when I do concentration/stabilization practice (for instance bringing attention to the breath). When an intention is added to it, there is sometimes a shift into a place “below” even many of the most basic stories, for instance that of continuity.

If music is playing it “falls into its own parts” and there is no sense of any continuity. There is a clear seeing of continuity of space and time as being created by a story of continuity. A story that pieces is all together creating the appearance of continuity.

(That is what Kant said too, but it is quite different - and startling at first - to directly, clearly, nakedly, see it.)

I assume this is the level where the story of I, as Joel calls it, sits as well. It is the realm of of most basic stories, the ones believed in at a level below what we usually take as beliefs. The ones our rational mind and conscious thinking cannot even touch. Our conscious thinking cannot create or prevent awakening. It has nothing to do with it.

The story of a separate self has to be released at that deep level… below the thoughts as clear and explicit, as subtle images, as little burps… 

I am spending a good deal of time buying book treasures from used book stores, mostly on Buddhist and art subjects. I also belong to a Buddhist group and discover, to my horror, that they are selling these books to the public at give-away prices. I had intended only some books to be sold on, and the rest to be kept. Some of the books are rare finds, and may not even be appreciated by those buying them. Even as I try to explain the situation to the people selling them, more are sold.

This dream had a nightmarish quality… spending all that time identifying and buying book treasures, and then having them all sold off to the general public for next to nothing…!

The dream parallels two things in my life:

First, the giving away of my insights and skills freely, without asking for anything in return (including having volunteered a large number of hours for NWEI, and giving away a large number of Breema sessions for free).

The other, more specific to this retreat, a surrendering of conceptualized insights… seeing them for what they are, only thoughts. Only images and sounds created by the mind, arising and dissolving from and into nothingness.

Surrendering is inherent in the process of just seeing thoughts as thoughts, arising from and dissolving into nothingness.

Just a quick summary of what I am exploring these days, as it happens in immediate awareness. What came out below is not very well organized…

• The Ground, here now, is the field of awakeness, of awake emptiness and whatever arises. It is inherently free from any center and any separate self. It is just one field, beyond and embracing seeing and seen, awareness and its content, this human self and the wider world of form.
• This Ground is is what is here now, for each of us, only absent of a sense of I and Other. Imagine the content of your awareness, and the awareness itself, as it is, only with a sense of I and Other subtracted from it.
• When there is resistance to Ground as this field, there is an appearance of I and Other.
• This happens when there is a belief in a story, when thoughts are taken as anything more than innocent questions, when they are seen as absolutely true.
• A story becomes a belief when another story is added to it, saying it is true.
• A story becomes a belief, also when it combines with a sensation. Sensation+story=belief.
• When a sensation is combined with a story, it gives a sense of a center located at a particular place in space, specifically at the sensation, somewhere within the physical boundary of this human self.
• This center also allows for a split of space, and a sense of I here and Other out there.
• This split allows for placing one end of any polarity here, somewhere in this physical body, and the other end somewhere out there in the wider world.
• This placing of ends of a polarity here and out there, is also how projections work. If, according to how I place a polarity (which in turn is decided by beliefs and identities), one end of a polarity should be out there, then when it arises, it is interpreted as out there. For instance, if I believe I shouldn’t be angry, and have an identity as someone who is not angry, then when anger arises, I have now choice but to filter it so it appears out there in the wider world, placed on appropriate targets (the ones I place it on may indeed experience and act from anger, which only makes them better projection objects).
• Any belief automatically creates resistance… to the truths in its reversals, and what doesn’t fit the identity that goes with it.
• The split of space allows for resistance to what is. It filters the appearance of what is allowed and not allowed into different locations of space… what is allowed appears to be in the region where there is a sense of I, and what is not allowed appears as if in another region of space. (What is allowed/not allowed is determined by beliefs.)
• The sensation a story is combined with serves as a base for a split of space into I and Other (providing a fixed point in space to define the boundary), and also for resistance to parts of what is arising.
• The sense of density, substance and reality of a sensation provides a sense of the same, of density, substance and reality, to the story it is associated with.
• If a belief needs to be amplified, it can be amplified in two ways. One is to amplify the sensation it is placed on, which in turn allows for a stronger belief, a sense of more substance to the belief, and a stronger sense of split between I here and Other out there. Another is to engage in and develop supporting beliefs.
• If a story needs to be combined with a sensation (to create a belief and a split in space), and an appropriate sensation is not available, muscles tense up to create appropriate sensations.
• A belief also amplifies tension, because it creates a sense of I and Other, and something to protect (a truth or an identity), which in turn creates mental and physical tension.
• Any belief creates a split in space, of something that is true here and false somewhere else, so also a sense of I and Other.

Some of the functions of thoughts…

• They help our human self explore, and orient and navigate in the world (they split up the seamless whole so we can explore segments of any shape and size, how they relate to each other, and the larger whole they are aspects of)
• They help our human self communicate, with itself and others, here and now (although there is always some lag time) and between past, present and future
• When believed in, they create a sense of a separate self, and I with and other, which is essential for lila (God playing hide-and-seek with itself)

Whether believed in or not, they help our human self explore, orient and navigate within the world of form. And when believed in, when a story is added to the stories saying they are true, they create a sense of a separate self, and the richness of the human drama.

When the Ground of emptiness awakens to itself, it can be very odd for our human self. It is used to being identified with, and no it is suddenly not identified with anymore.

It realizes that it is just happening, just as everything else is just happening.

There are still sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts, choices, actions, relationships and everything else, but it is just happening on its own. It is all living its own life. There is lots of doing, but no doer anywhere. There is just a field of what is happening… this room, the sound of the dehumidifier, the cat walking up to connect, the chill on the fingers, tapping of the keys, thoughts arising reflected in words on the screen, getting up to get a glass of water… one field, with no part being more or less identified than anything else.

It can be disconcerting for the human self at first. Will it get by without being identified with? Isn’t being identified with, taken as an I, necessary for it to function in the world?

The rug is pulled out from under its feet, the bottom fell out, it is suspended in thin air…

But if it stays with this, it sees that not only can the human self function well without being identified with, it can even function better in relative terms. There is an absence of drama, so just clarity and simplicity… even the most engaged activities happens within a context of utter clarity and simplicity.

In a way, it is a matter of trust. Of the human self trusting it can function OK without being taken as a separate I. Sometimes, emptiness awakens to itself so clearly that all questions are blown away and the awakening is stable. Other times, and maybe more commonly, emptiness awakens to itself many times, each time followed by the human self not quite trusting the shift and going back into safe and familiar ground, and each time becoming a little more familiar with living without being identified with. Each time trusting a little more, until the shift happens in a more stable way.

There never was a separate self in the first place… only awakeness, emptiness and whatever is happening in form… the only difference is that now, this awake emptiness notices itself… and when it does, any exclusive identification with any part of this field goes out the window.

It is seen as simply a belief in the idea of a separate self, as placing a sense of I within a segment of this field and making the rest into Other. Emptiness awakening to itself cleans it all out.

I keep coming back to this throughout the day, and especially as I fall asleep in the evening… The exploration of the sense of a separate self placed on sensations, and combined with certain thoughts.

It can sound abstract when I try to put it into words, but it is very alive in immediate experience.

I see how there is a vast of rich landscape of combinations happening… shifting anchor from one sensation to another, and attaching thoughts and stories to each one… richly, fluidly.

It is amazing to see how a whole world is created in this way, or rather a rich and changing interpretation of this world.

Some sensations, typically in the throat and calf areas, are used as anchor for stories that trigger stress and a sense of resistance. Other sensations, especially in the nostril area, are used as anchor for a sense of an atmosphere (often a sweet one.) And there is also more stable background stream of a sense of a separate self, placed on sensations in the center of the upper throat/lower head area.

It even seems that if there isn’t an appropriate sensation ready as a requested anchor, then it is made through muscle contractions. Tension in certain muscles create particular sensations, used as anchor for certain stories or even a sense of a particular atmosphere.

It is strange to observe, but also clear… all happening in an differentiated way, right here, within the wide open space of awake emptiness and form.

What are the effects of noticing, through careful examination, that our thoughts always reflect the past?

Well, when it is seen, over and over, in our own life, and is felt in our bones, it allows relative truths to be seen as relative truths, and the release that follows.

Holding our stories more lightly

It is another nudge in the direction of holding any thoughts, ideas, stories, assumptions and shoulds a little more lightly. Seeing that, yes, they are only relative truths at best. Only questions about the world.

And it is a reminder to look a little closer when something appears to myself as an absolute truth or a statement. Maybe it is really just a relative truth and a question.

This goes for the grand scale theories and views, such as our general world view, religion, political faith, and so on, and maybe especially for the smaller and apparently more innocent ones in my daily life such as she should do her dishes, people shouldn’t lie, I should have more money, I shouldn’t be sick, and life should be fair.

The shift

When these are taken as absolute truths and statements, they bring stress because life does not conform (my individual will is at odds with life’s will.) When they are examined, and revealed as just relative truths and innocent questions, there is a sense of release, spaciousness, ease and simplicity.

Reactivity gives way to receptivity. Contraction to spaciousness. Struggle to ease. Confusion to clarity. Compulsiveness or paralysis to natural engagement. A sense of separation to intimacy. Alienation to a sense of belonging. Defending against any view, to finding the truth in it.

Many teachers (and teachings) talk about how thoughts reflect the past, and only reflect the past.

Is it true? When I heard this again as a quote from Byron Katie, there wasn’t an immediate and whole-hearted recognition, so I decided to explore it again for myself. It is true in my own experience?

Thoughts arising here and now, with content about past, present and future

Thoughts, as anything else, arise here and now. But their content appear, on the surface, to be about the past, present and future.

Thoughts about the present, about what that just left

When I look at thoughts about the present, I see that they always reflect what has already gone. They cannot keep up with the continuous stream of content, they are always a little slow, always about what just left.

Thoughts about the future, reflecting the past

Thoughts about the future are maybe a little different, but even here, they actually reflect the past. They are projections into the future, into what may be, based on experiences from the past. I hit my toe on the leg of the table a while ago, and it hurt, so I assume it will hurt if I do it again. I enjoyed a vacation up in the mountains last year, so assume I will enjoy it again. I resolved a stressful issue last night by doing inquiry into it, so assume inquiry may work again on future stressful situations.

These are all reasonable assumptions, and are very helpful in daily life. They have a clear practical value in our everyday human life, and without them we probably wouldn’t last very long.

But as helpful as they are, these thoughts are still reflecting the past, taking past experiences and lessons from past experiences and projecting them into an imagined future.

Thoughts about the past, present and future, all reflecting the past

So thoughts about the past are obviously reflecting the past, thoughts about the present are really about what just left, and thoughts about the future reflect past experiences - projected into the future.

And the interpretation of any of this also, obviously, reflects the past. Past experiences, and my stories about them, color how I interpret anything in the past, present or future.

Humbling realization

So, yes, when I look at my own thoughts, I see over and over that they not only reflect the past, but 100% reflect the past.

It is a humbling realization.

More about the effects of realizing this in the following post(s).

As beliefs in ideas fade, go into the background or fall away, there is a more immediate experience of what is arising. Where thoughts would say I have seen this before, there is the immediate experience of whatever arises as always fresh, new, different.

In the same way, as beliefs fall away our words take on a fresh quality. They come out as fresh, new, and different, whether they appear to have been spoken before or not.

Freshness of experience

Thoughts arise with a question: is this similar to what has been experienced or said before? And then maybe, yes, it seems similar.

And if this thought is believed in, another set of thoughts may come up: yes, it is the same. I have seen or heard this before. Things should be new, yet this is the same old. How boring.

Thoughts can also be seen for what they are: as innocent questions, even when they appear as statements. They can provide useful and practical information in a conventional sense, as a help for orienting and functioning in the world. Yes, when they are not believed in, they remain as just guidelines of temporary and practical use only. And they too arise as always unique, fresh, different, along with anything else arising here now.

Freshness of expression

And the freshness of expression comes in two ways:

One is from the immediacy and freshness of experience, which gives the expression of it a sense of freshness as well.

The other is in seeing ideas as merely ideas, which gives a freedom in experimenting with how to express immediate realization and experience in different ways, relying less on what we have heard, read or said before.

The makeup of our human self probably plays a role here as well.

If it is happy with tradition and what is already laid down, it may use that as a framework for expression. There are many examples here of following collective or one’s individual traditions.

If it has more of an adventurous and newness seeking tendency, it may explore new ways of expressing perennial insights, as Adyashanti and Byron Katie do. Or it may come up with something that combines these perennial insights with temporary insights and views in a fresh way, as Ken Wilber does in his aqal framework and Genpo Roshi with the Big Mind process.

And maybe most importantly, it may seek to grow, mature and develop so the ways the insights come out do the same. So there is a freshness in how it comes out, also in the context of its own history.

Some of the ways we relate to thoughts…

Believing in or not

In general, we can believe in them or not.

As long as there is a belief in any thought, there is a belief in the basic thought of “I” and a corresponding identity. We believe in some thoughts and not others, and with different degrees of attachment.

This creates a sense of I and other, an identity that defines who I am and am not, a discrepancy between beliefs and the inner and outer world as it arises, and a sense of struggle and drama.

When there is realized selflessness, beliefs in thoughts fall away as well. Or we can say that when the belief in “I” as a segment of what is falls away, so does beliefs in other thoughts as well. Without a sense of I, no attachment to thoughts.

(I have to say that in some cases of alleged realized selflessness, it certainly appears - when looking at words and actions - that there is still a belief in certain thoughts. What the human self does seems remarkably limited and frozen if all beliefs indeed had dropped away.)

Awakening to thoughts as related to stress

We can awaken, in different ways, to thoughts as related to stress.

We notice that being absorbed in thoughts, or attaching to thoughts, or trying to push thoughts away, brings disassociation or stress.

And although this is true for all thoughts (at least all the ones I have explored so far), it may appear as if it is true for only some of them.

And although it is the belief in thoughts that brings stress, it may appear as if thoughts themselves are a problem.

:: See thoughts themselves as the source

If we see thoughts themselves as a problem, we set ourselves up for failure.

We may engage in strategies to pacify or remove thoughts, such as drugs, sleep, entertainment or other forms of distractions. If we are a little more sophisticated, we may engage in practices that manipulate attention (visualizations, “good thoughts”). Although these strategies may give short term relief, it is ultimately a recipe for failure as thoughts come and go on their own and live their own life.

:: See beliefs as the source

We can recognize beliefs as the source, and inquire into the beliefs - allowing the attachment to the thought to erode and eventually fall away.

:: See the sense of I as the source

We can recognize the belief in the thought “I” as the source, as that which all other beliefs hinges on.

So we may engage in practices that temporarily shift attention away from the sense of I, giving a taste of how it is to be free from the story of I and everything that comes with it. These practices include, again, drugs, sex and entertainment. And also being in nature, prayer, meditation, and Breema.

We can inquire into any stressful belief that comes up, allowing one thread of the tapestry of beliefs to unravel at a time, until it all falls away taking the belief in the idea of “I” with it.

Or we can go directly for the belief in the idea of I through other forms of inquiry, mainly various forms of Atma Vichara such as the Big Mind process, labeling, and noticing the seen and the seeing as inherently absent of I. (And allowing what is seen to seep through our whole being, allowing it all to reorganize around it, be affected by it.)

Nothing new here, but still something that comes up for me…

As long as we believe in thoughts - or more precisely in abstractions in any form, such as images, memories, models, theories, thoughts and so on - we will experience stress. The world will show up in a way that does not conform with our beliefs in particular abstractions about it, and the discrepancy creates discomfort, uneasiness, and suffering. Our conscious view is out of alignment with what is, and this naturally creates suffering.

And as long as we believe in thoughts, as long as they have a charge for us, we will also experience what we perceive as unwanted thoughts. Thoughts appear because that is their job. They come and go as clouds. And if we believe some of them should not, then they appear as unwanted. We interpret them as intruding, and some of them may even be labeled negative, destructive, pathological and so on.

We use many ways of trying to deal with these thoughts, including developing a strong focus (temporarily pushing them aside), shifting attention (to the breath, the body and so on), therapy, affirmations (trying to replace them with other, more “positive”, thoughts), and so on. But none of these will really work as long as we still believe in the original thoughts. For as long as they have a charge for us, they will show up and want our attention. They will come back wanting resolution. Wanting to be resolved. Wanting to be seen through.

These thoughts are completely innocent. It is only our belief in them, or in our stories about them, that gives them any charge. We attach to them because they appear real, significant, substantial, powerful, accurate and/or true.

And this belief can only hold as long as it is not thoroughly investigated. It is only the unexamined beliefs which stay beliefs and maintain their charge.

When we investigate the beliefs, through the four questions and the turnaround, and explore more in detail what is really true for us in our immediate experience, the belief naturally erodes and falls away. It is seen through. The thought loses its charge. It loses its apparent grip on us. It loses its apparent reality, substance, power, accuracy, significance and truth.

The thoughts are now revealed as what they are - completely innocent questions about the world. And as they have no charge anymore, they come and go as clouds - and with as much (or rather little) impact as clouds passing through the sky. They no longer appear intrusive. No thoughts are seen as positive or negative. No thoughts are any longer pathological. They just are.

In releasing these beliefs, we also uncover the inherent nature of mind - is clarity, wisdom, compassion, love, and effortless effectiveness in functioning in the world. These qualities are what we are, inherently, each one of us, and they are only temporarily covered up by beliefs in abstractions and the consequences coming from that. It never goes away, no matter what the surface phenomena may look like in the present.

Ultimately, we end up seeing through the belief in the idea of I, and even that one falls away, revealing the selfless nature of what is. We discover that we are not exclusively our human self or awareness, but what is - beyond and including any and all polarities. There is only the suchness. Only God. It is all the play of God, and it is all good.

It is good, far beyond even the most appealing and attractive images and hopes painted by any belief.

When thoughts are believed in, they seem substantial, real, important, meaningful, and so on.

When thoughts are released from beliefs, they are revealed as innocent questions - inquiries into an aspect of the world.

So there may be the thought I am a failure.

If I believe that thought, it seems substantial and meaningful, and it will most likely make me depressed - and cause a range of other responses and reactions in me as well.

If I don’t believe that thought, it just becomes an innocent invitation to inquiry. Am I a failure? Well, it obviously depends on how failure is defined, and it can easily be defined in many different ways. How does my life appear when I examine it filtered through some of these definitions? That can be a quite interesting exploration, allowing for useful and helpful insights.

This insight is just one of the many Byron Katie mentions. And it is one that seems to arise naturally from engaging in her inquiry process over time, at least it does for me. As with any insight, it is temporary and arising during one phase of the exploration process. Next time I look, it may well appear differently. Another layer may have been shed, and something else arises.

When I listen to or read various teachings, there is often an impulse coming up around precision.

So there is an impulse of precision coming up. If I think it is for someone else, it takes the form of judgment. If I realize it is really for me, it is an invaluable pointer towards maturing a little further.

Thoughts as problems?

If someone talks as if thoughts themselves ever are a problem, there is a discrepancy with my experience of thoughts as never a problem - only beliefs in them are. This discrepancy can takes the form of wanting more precision.

And if I put it on him, it becomes “he should be more precise” and is associated with blame, judgment, sense of separation and so on. If I see that the impulse is for me, I take it as an invitation and opportunity to differentiate for myself.

I can see that for me, only beliefs appear as a problem, never thoughts themselves - they are innocent. And it also invites me to inquiry into and explore this further. What is really true for me in the present? How is it true for me in the present?

Attachments

The same is the case for talks about attachment. Sometimes, it is presented as if we can ever be attached to situations or things. That does not seem true in my experience.

I find that I can only be attached to stories and beliefs, and this may - and usually does - take the appearance of attachment to situations, people, things and so on. But it is only an appearance. I can only find attachments to stories and thoughts…

Again, it is an invitation to explore what is true for me, and what is true for me right now - which may, and usually is, different from what I expect.

Sharing findings

My experiences and findings are obviously for me, meant for me, and if they can help others inquire and explore for themselves that is great as well.

They may find something entirely different, which in turn can stimulate me to inquire a little further and more honestly.

The Byron Katie inquiry process may appear - before we engage in it - to concern itself with thoughts.

In reality, it seems to help us clear up our relationship with Existence, on all levels.

The “thoughts” we work with - in verbal/written form - are indications of much deeper orientations and relationships with Existence. And these orientations runs through all levels of our being, including physical, energetic, emotional, cognitive and consciousness/awareness.

When there is suffering and/or contraction, it indicates an area where our deeper orientation is not aligned with what is - with Existence. And through inquiry, we can clear up this confusion.