Several years ago, my wife and I decided to form a group using the Your Money or Your Life program. We met monthly for nine times, applying one of the nine steps each time, and sharing our experiences with each other.

It is another example of a well designed program that uses awareness as its main emphasis.

Here is the essence of it: Track your income and expenses. Evaluate whether the income/expenses in each category (which you set yourself) was worth the life energy spent, whether it is aligned with your values (for us, health, social justice, sustainability), and whether you would spend more or less in each category if you didn’t have to work for a living (frees your mind to look at it more clearly).

By bringing the money/life energy flow into awareness each month, it brings about a natural change in daily life. I remember how much money went into coffee shop bagels last month, and decide to eat before leaving the house. I see a book I would like to read in a bookstore, and decide to get it from the library instead. I notice that I can easily get just about all my clothes second hand, so continue doing that. I want to buy organic and local food as much as possible, so go to stores that makes it easy to do so. I realize how right it feels to donate money or support a young monk, so decide to continue doing that or do more of it.

And through that process, I notice more clearly when I try to meet certain needs through consumption when those needs are better met other ways. My needs may be for comfort, self esteem or approval, and I can find non-consumption ways to meet those, for instance in rewarding relationships with others.

The program helped us reduce expenses, align our buying habits with our values, and spend our time, energy and money in ways that are more meaningful and rewarding to us.

And it is the last two that are maybe most important. The sense that we live with a little more integrity. A little more aligned with how we would like to live. Moving in the direction of living more sustainably and with future generations in mind. And spending our time in ways that are more rewarding. We have learned to live well within our means, and find ways to meet our needs in ways that costs little or no money.

Of course, this is all directional, and it all changes with changing situations. Which is why we decided to take up this program again as a refresher, and also as a way to introduce more people to it.

And yes, it is called Your Money *or* Your Life, but really, it is Your Money *and* Your Life. You get to keep both. (But it is neccesary to do all nine steps of the program, and stay with it for a while, for the effects to take place. It is not sufficient to just read the book or do parts of it.)

Some of the many reasons why practices sometimes won’t work…

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When I was at the zen center, my teacher gave me the “what am I” koan. I worked on it the usual Rinzai way, repeating it to myself with great intensity and otherwise not knowing what to do with it. It does fuel motivation and intention, which is very helpful, but it was also an exercise in spinning my wheels.

Along with giving someone the “what am I” koan, it is helpful to offer a few tools and show how to use them…! After all, that is how we do it in any other area of life.

If I ask someone to dig a ditch, I show him or her the tool shed and where the shovels are, I’ll point out where the ditch is going, and if needed, I’ll give enough instructions to get the person started.

In the case of the “what am I” koan, there are - at least - two focal points for inquiry.

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In its essence it is simple: Whenever I am caught up in a belief, I often work against myself, life and situations. And whenever there is clarity, I tend to work with myself, life and situations.

And it is - as usual - infinitely complex in how it is expressed, including how it is expressed in different approaches to various areas of life.

Here is a brief list of approaches and tools I have found - and use regularly - that embody working with life: Feldenkrais, Breema, yoga (depending on instructor/tradition), tai chi, chi gong, The Work, Big Mind process, Clicker Training, and Total Immersion Swimming.

I keep noticing the shifts between beliefs/working against and clarity/working with throughout daily life. And this has also come up for me through swimming. Whenever I take up something new, I seek out approaches that work with life, and in swimming, a great approach is Total Immersion swimming.

It helps me swim the way I always knew I could, but haven’t been able to before now: Effortlessly. With ease. Simplicity. Elegance. Efficiency. As a sea mammal. (It is a process, as anything else, and I am just in the beginning of it, but there are already surprisingly quick and major shifts in that direction.)

It was the same with Breema. I knew there had to be a body-work approach out there that works with life rather than against it (which most seem to do), and I had actually given up looking when I found Breema - with its emphasis on no extra, body comfortable, doing it for oneself, giver and receiver both receiving, inviting in healing and maturing at all levels (physical, energetic, emotional, mind) and inviting in awakening as well.

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It seems that at some point, most people find that their usual psychological/spiritual tools don’t work anymore. 

And it seems - from my own very limited experience - that this can happen in at least two ways. 

One is when I engage with the tools, and there is no shift. It is life itself telling me that these tools have limited use, which is good to know. More importantly, it is an invitation to notice what I really am - already free from any states and shifts. That which any state and shift and any content of awareness happens within and as. 

The other is when whatever shift happens is seen clearly as not getting me what I really want. It may give a shift into a sense of ease, OKness with what is, a quiet joy and so on, but that is not what I really want. It is not satisfying anymore. Nothing is satisfying, apart from noticing myself as that which any shift and experience happens within and as. 

In this case, there is usually also a noticing of the whole dynamic of being caught up in wanting as coming from not noticing what I really am. There is an identification with wanting content of awareness to be different, and even if it this content shifts, it still doesn’t quite do it. There is still a sense of an I with an Other, a separate I within form, a sense of separation, of precariousness, of something missing.

And the very activity of engaging with wanting to change content of experience, for the sake of trying to find what I am missing, is a distraction from noticing what I already and really am. 

This follows from the previous post…

• Any sense of meaning happens within content of experience, within the world of form.
  • It is a guest, as anything else within content of experience. It lives its own life, coming and going on its own schedule.
• Any sense of meaning comes from a story.
  • The basic story is that of an I with an Other, and this gives rise to the dynamic of experiencing meaning in (a) supporting and enhancing this separate I and those within its circle of us, and (b) for this separate I to find a sense of connection with itself and the wider world.
  • More generally, whenever I believe a story, there is a sense of meaning when I work at reducing the gap between my stories of what is and what should be.
• What I really am, is always and already free from any meaning-inducing story and any sense of meaning.
  • I can explore this in several different ways, for instance through the sense fields. How does this sense of meaning, and the meaning-inducing story, appear in the sense fields? Where do I find it?
  • What I am, that which content of experience happens within, to and as, is free from meaning, yet fully allow any sense of meaning.
• Any story is a guide for our human self for functioning in the world, and - possibly - noticing what it really is.
  • It gives a sense of direction and purpose.
  • It guides action in the world, or inquiry into what we really are.
• Any meaning-inducing story is more or less appropriate to our human self and its situation.
  • First, does it actually give rise to a sense of meaning? Does it work?
  • And then, what practical consequences does it have for our human self, in the world and in its exploration to discover what it really is? Does it seem helpful?

Any tool is fair game, as long as it works and seems appropriate to the situation.

Many nondual folks are familiar with contemplative prayer, visualizations, heart prayer, Christ meditation and similar forms on prayer where a receptivity to and invitation in of the soul level is the main emphasis, possibly shifting into realized selflessness in glimpses or more thoroughly.

The more common forms of prayer, those where we ask about something specific, also have their place. They are a part of any comprehensive toolbox. They can be used as in Buddhism, to ask for awakening for the benefit of all beings. This sets a clear intention, which in turn helps reorganize and align our human self with this path and may even have effects beyond that.

And of course, prayers for the health and well-being of ourselves and others have their place. Again, they help realign ourselves with that intention. And it opens our heart. It opens for a sincere well-wishing for ourselves and others. And both of those spill over into our actions.

As with visualizations, these forms of prayer may (or may not) have an effect beyond how it works on us, in how the world shows up on its own.

In either case, the effect it has on us is more than enough reason to sometimes engage in them.

They set a clear intention for ourselves. They help realign us with that intention. They open our heart. They open for sincere well-wishing for ourselves and others.

And sometimes, especially in extreme situations, they may be comforting if that is what we need.

(And if not, if we are invited into being wholeheartedly with what is coming up and we use these forms of prayers as an escape, they - and anything else we do to try to escape - are likely to not work.)

Some of the integral folks like to talk about the shortcomings of “radical relativism”.

But radical relativism, if it is radical enough, is the freedom to use stories in any way that seems appropriate. It is the freedom in seeing the limited value in any story and perspective, and then use whatever one(s) seem most appropriate in any given situation.

If it is a truly radical relativism, we see stories as just tools of practical value, so choose stories with more explanation power, that are more compassionate, more effective in getting things done, more elegant, and so on, and according to what is available to us based on our current insights, experiences and skills.

And the way we hold these stories also depend on the situation. Sometimes, it may seem more appropriate to hold them lightly, freely admitting that they are just tools and that other tools may be more useful in the situation.

Other times, and especially if peoples health and well-being is at stake, and we are up against folks who are in the grips of reactivity and blind beliefs, it may be more appropriate to hold our stories far more strongly. To do what is needed to protect individuals and society, meeting people in our actions and language where they are.

When we are clear, we are anything but door mats. And radical relativism can easily take a strong stand in the world, when needed.

The problem with making “radical relativism” sound suspicious and slightly sinister, as some of the strangely “anti green” folks in the integral world do, is that it may prevent us from going far enough. It may hold people back from going far enough through relativism into the truly radical relativism.

And then we just remain stuck in beliefs. We hold onto a story because we actually think it is true.

And that is just blindness.

I took the time to read some integral blogs today, and found some of the usual comments about “radical relativism” which I am sure many would apply to The Work. It helped me differentiate something that is pretty obvious, and we all know, but it may be good to clarify it for ourselves as well.

There are two ways of relating to and working with stories.

One is inquiry, such as The Work. I find a belief, or actually any story would do, and investigate it using the four questions and the turnarounds. And in the turnarounds, I find the genuine truth for me in each of them, with at least three examples of how it is already true in my own life. These stories then are equal to me, in that I can find the truth in each of them, I see they are all stories, and I also notice the inherent neutrality of the situation behind the stories.

And all of this has one purpose: to invite in a release of identification with any of these stories. To see that each of them are tools of practical value only. To not get blindly caught up in them and the drama of right and wrong and identification with them.

The other way of relating to stories is as tools. Tools of practical value for this human self, living its life in the world. Here, of course, the stories are not equal. Although there is some truth in each one, and each one can be useful in a particular situation, some have more explanation power than others, some are more compassionate than others, some are more elegant and gets the work done more effectively than others. Which one is a better tool depends on the situation, and also on where I am and what is available to me in terms of insights, experience, skills and so on.

Together, there is a freedom from identification with stories, which helps us live our lives with more clarity, kindness and insight. And there is a freedom in which stories we use, for practical purposes.

In the first case, there is an equality of the stories. It has to be, if we are honest with ourselves, and if we are to invite identification to release out of the stories.

In the second case, there is clearly not an equality among the stories. Some are more appropriate than others in any given situation, and we choose the best we can based on what tools  are available to us currently.

As I said initially, this is pretty obvious. Anyone who has done The Work or similar inquiries knows this at some level, even if they have not clarified it for themselves in this way. Using stories as tools of practical value, whether we identify with them or not, is what we naturally do. We cannot help it.

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To me, it seems pretty obvious that the law of attraction works… at least as defined by (a) visualizing something I want, and (b) it arriving some of the time, significantly more often than if I didn’t visualize. I may have misgivings of how it is sometimes used (to get more stuff our beliefs tell us will make us happy, or to blame the victim), and some of the reasons given for how it works, but that doesn’t change the fact that it (sometimes) works.

At the very least, it works for the reasons outlined in all the research on self-fulfilling prophesies… In my own experience, it seems to work for some of the following reasons:

• It clarifies my intentions at many levels. When I visualizing something, many levels of my being naturally align with it, including my views, emotions and behavior (at least to some extent, depending on how often and with how much details and felt-sense I visualize it).
• For this reason, I am more alert to opportunities when they arise, and I am ready to act on them. I look for these opportunities, and I am ready and prepared to act (much like a basketball player visualizing getting the ball through the hoop, and then being more likely to do so on the court).
• I also am more likely to place myself in situations where these opportunities are more likely to arise, and even to create them myself.
• In general, I am more optimistic about having what I visualize in my life, which allows, invites and enhances the effects listed above.

As with anything else we do to bring something about, it is an invitation. The guest may or may not come, if it arrives it does so on its own schedule, inherent in its arrival is its leaving, and the guest(s) that arrive may brings some surprises as well.

To me, it seems lame (to put it crudely, and with some shadow stuff included) to blanketly state that the law of attraction doesn’t work, is a scam, and so on. It is fine to say it doesn’t get people the lasting happiness they seek (because it doesn’t), and it is fine to say that the reasons given for why it works are bogus (which they often seem to be), but to say that the law of attraction itself doesn’t work is as bogus as anything they try to put down.

For one, it discounts a good deal of solid research on self-fulfilling prophecies. It also, maybe less importantly since it is anecdotal evidence, discounts the experiences of innumerable folks who find it a useful, practical and effective tool.

I realize this could have been more clear in some of the previous posts…

Views all have their reversals, and they all have limited validity and a grain of truth in them. They are all relative truths.

When a view is believed in, taken as an absolute truth, that is when it creates shadows. I am this, not that. This is true, not that. I am right, you are not.

And a view is any abstraction. Any thought, image, identity, ideology, framework, map. Anything that helps us navigate in the world. Anything that is really a question, but can be taken as a statement. Anything that, when believed in, we use to box ourselves and Existence in with, saying that it is this way, and not that. Anything that, when believed in, makes it appear that we know how things not only are, but how they should be.

Seen as just innocent questions and relative truths, they are immensely useful in helping us orient and navigate in the world. Taken as statements and absolutes, we try to box the world in, and the world comes knocking on the door wanting to be let in. Which can be quite stressful if we don’t allow it to. It is a big world, and our box is small.